


It was a hunch

by BlueAlmond



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-13 16:01:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16895700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueAlmond/pseuds/BlueAlmond
Summary: The position of a teacher is a delicate one when they suspect one of their students is being abused. Or perhaps it isn’t, when they have some proof to support their suspicion.The problem with Frederick Prevost is that Aaron has absolutely no proof that there is anything wrong going on aside from a hunch, but after his colleague Alexander Hamilton hears it, the man won’t stop until the situation is cleared.





	It was a hunch

Aaron couldn’t exactly tell how he noticed at first, what made him pay attention, but he did. And since he knew exactly what to look for, he saw it all too clearly.

He decided to become a teacher a long time ago, and he was lucky enough that in the ten years he’d been working, he never encountered any particularly difficult cases. He taught third and fourth grade—one per year—and had been working in King’s Elementary school for three years, when it finally happened.

When there came a kid that hid it too well.

It wasn’t like he never had to interfere before, but those few times there had been bruises to make everything easier. With Frederick, it wasn’t that easy. He just knew, but he couldn’t exactly tell how. Sure, he knew because _he_ _had_ _been_ _that_ _kid_ , but no one would honestly believe that. If he were to give such a reason, he’d only come off as biased and broken. So, he stayed silent and merely paid attention. He was even more careful about raising his voice in class and made sure to never ask directed questions, except for the occasional too loud student that wouldn’t stop talking. He never had to ask Frederick any questions, for he was always quiet. Still, he found ways to let him know he was doing a good job, to encourage him and yet ignore him enough as to make him feel unobserved and undistinguishable from his classmates. For a couple of frustrating and tiring days, he allowed himself to feel like he was doing all he could, and then he had to acknowledge he wasn’t.

He rarely left the building during recess, but that day he did. He went for a snack and reached the playground just in time to see Frederick pushing a kid—a taller kid that hadn’t been his student, so he was either a new student or a sixth grader—directly in the way of the swings, barely missing the feet of a first grader that squealed in surprise.

His suspicious that it was a new student was confirmed when he saw Thomas Jefferson, the fifth-grade teacher, approach them with a stern face, clearly upset. He knew doing anything would have consequences, but he couldn’t step aside, not when he saw his student’s hands trembling and his shoulders tensing, repressing a flinch.

He wasn’t that far, so reaching Jefferson from behind only took him a second. He tapped him on the shoulder and nodded to the right. “Why don’t you let me handle this? Madison is over there looking nervous and Frederick is my student after all. Go, I know it’s been a long day.”

At first, he worried Jefferson would only yell more and proceed to ignore him, but he didn’t. He gave him a wary look but went to Madison without another word.

“It’s okay, Frederick, I’m not going to yell at you,” muttered he as he kneeled next to the boy. “Do you want to get inside? Or is there somewhere else you’d rather we talked? It’s your choice.”

The kid looked at him with teary eyes that wanted to ask a thousand questions, but he didn’t. “Is the classroom okay?”

“Of course,” he nodded, relieved. That meant Frederick trusted him, really. Clearly, the boy had noticed he treated him differently; he just hoped he had the right idea, and nothing more macabre crossed his eight-year-old mind.

They walked slowly, Aaron keeping an eye on the boy and said boy staring dutifully to the ground. It reminded Aaron of his dear Theo, a Boykin Spaniel with a temper that would stare down whenever she crossed too many lines—Aaron was a soft owner, but he had his limits, especially when it meant his dinner ended up in her stomach instead of his.

“Your reaction was a little exaggerated, don’t you think?” said he, as softly and friendly as he could the moment they were inside.

The kid shrugged. “He was being an idiot.”

“I’m sure he was,” he admitted as he sat down behind his desk. “But you should’ve told someone, instead of pushing him. It could’ve been more serious.”

“I know, and I won’t do it again.”

“Okay,” he nodded. “I trust you. That’s why I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that I’ll get very sad if you don’t follow your word, because I know you will.”

“Exactly.”

“Frederick?”

“Yes?”

“You know you can tell me anything, yes? I’m on your side, always on your side.”

The kid gulped, licked his lips and nodded. “I know.” Then, he exited the classroom without another word, and Aaron waited two full minutes before going out, seriously considering staying there until his next class, but his students had PE after the recess so that meant staying in an empty classroom with nothing but his phone for 90 minutes. He sighed and left for the teacher’s break room. On his way there, he crossed paths with Jefferson and inwardly cussed as he placed a sheepish smile on his face.

“How was your student?” asked Aaron.

“He’s fine. Nothing happened but if the girl on the swing wouldn’t have been a midget he could’ve gotten hurt.”

“I know, but Frederick hardly ever reacts that way. He apologized, and I’m sure it won’t happen again.”

“Yeah, I know. That new kid has a way to get on everybody’s nerves, I got to admit he irritates me too,” he shrugged. “It’s fine,” he patted him on the shoulder. “Thanks for interfering. I’m no good in that sort of situation.”

“It was nothing. Frederick is my student, after all.”

“Yeah, anyway, see you later.” He waved and left, since the bell was about to ring and he probably had a lesson to give.

Aaron felt that he could breathe more easily after that and resumed his way. He had hoped that was it, but in the teacher’s room Hamilton was staring at him. Alexander Hamilton had his exact same job and was currently teaching fourth grade. They weren’t precisely close, but they had started working around the same time, and were around the same age so at times like these, they usually sat near each other and talked. Now, Aaron didn’t. He deliberately sat at the other side of the room after going to his locker for some tests he needed to grade, and for something like three minutes, it looked like Hamilton would leave him gladly alone. Then the last person aside from them left the room, and the man quickly took the seat in front of him. It was just like his luck that they would be the only teachers at school without a class to give at the moment.

“You think there’s something going on with Frederick, don’t you? You think someone’s hurting him. That’s why you didn’t let Jefferson yell at him out there.”

Aaron tried not to show anything on his face, kept his lips in a thin line and eyes focused on the tests he was grading, but couldn’t help to flinch when his colleague hit the table with an extended palm, frustrated.

“Damn it, Aaron, if you really think so then why haven’t you said anything?!”

He raised his head to glare at him and to whisper in between gritted teeth: “I don’t have any proof, Alexander. It’s just a…” he sighed, “a hunch.”

“You should at least tell someone else, Aaron. Maybe not the police, but…”

“What? Alexander, no, I told you it was just a hunch. I can’t get any more people involved in something that could be nothing, especially because if it _is_ something and we still can’t prove it…!” he shook his head. “Frederick would be the one paying for it. I don’t even know if it is his dad, but—”

“Why is he your main suspect?”

Aaron shrugged. “Just… the way Frederick doesn’t talk about him, I guess.”

Hamilton gave him an odd look but didn’t call him prejudiced or asked what else he knew about it, so Aaron considered it a victory, and tried to forget all about it. He definitely did once he got home. He wanted to help Frederick, yes, but he didn’t know how, and he knew he had to be careful or he could make everything worse. Maybe he was taking everything out of proportion. Maybe it wasn’t so bad.

Theo lied down at his feet after she got tired of standing while he prepared her food—the not quite delicious chicken fat. She got tired easily nowadays, and her walks were a lot shorter, but she waited her food eagerly every day. He tried to get it all done faster.

When Hamilton didn’t bring it up again for an entire week, he felt ecstatic, and also a little bit guilty. An entire week had gone by and nothing had changed, because he told another teacher he would handle it as soon as he got proof there was anything to handle and he still didn’t have any. So on that Wednesday morning, when he found the first grade teacher alone in the break room, he approached her.

“Hey Caroline, you got the youngest Prevost kid in your class, right?”

“John? Yes, why?”

Aaron licked his bottom lip as he measured his words, avoiding her eyes. “How is he?”

The woman crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a long, pensive look. “What do you mean, Aaron? Why are you asking?”

He sighed, inwardly cursing Alexander for getting in his head. But Caroline Sedat was the first friend he made when he got to King’s Elementary School, so if there was anybody he felt comfortable enough sharing that kind of information, it was her.

“I’m worried… about how they might be treated, at home, you know?”

“Why?”

“Don’t you think that if I had any proof, I already would’ve gone to the police?” He rubbed his forehead. “It’s just a hunch. Tell me if you notice anything, okay?”

“Of course, and I’ll pay attention now, too.”

He nodded, thanked her and hoped he had made the right choice. Getting any proof might take a long time, but the more people paying attention the better, right?



At first, Alexander thought it was only logical that Aaron Burr had been the first to notice something was going on with Frederick Prevost. He was his student after all, and other teachers never got to see the kids as often, signs were usually ignored when you only had them for an hour and a half every few days.

Then he had to cover for Aaron one day, only a week and a day after the discovery, and he wasn’t so sure it was so logical anymore. Sure, he was only the substitute for them, Frederick wouldn’t use him as a confident, but he was pretty sure the kid didn’t talk to Aaron either. Burr had said it was ‘just a hunch’, which meant he had _seen_ something that made him suspect, but Frederick Prevost was as unassuming as eight-year-olds went. Sure, perhaps he wasn’t as loud as most of his classmates, but that hardly was a sign for abuse. Still, he kept an eye on the boy the entire day, as subtly as he could which apparently wasn’t subtle enough because by lunch break the boy approached him with a troubled expression.

“Mr. Hamilton?”

“Yes, Freddie, right?”

“I prefer Frederick, sir.”

“Oh, alright,” he arched his eyebrows but repressed the grin that tugged at his upper lip, “sorry Frederick.”

“It’s okay.”

“So… did you want anything?”

“Yes, well… you’ve been staring at me all day. Did I do anything wrong? Did…” he licked his lips, “did Mr. Burr say anything?”

Alexander frowned. “What could he possibly have told me, Frederick?”

“Nothing, I hope.”

Alexander sighed and rubbed his face with one hand. “No, Freddie, uh, Frederick, he didn’t tell me anything. And I don’t think I’ve been staring at you, but if I did, I apologize. Why did you think Mr. Burr told me anything?”

The kid shrugged and looked away, defensively. “You teachers talk, right? And I know I can be, kids can be annoying, so I get that—”

“What? No, Freddie you’re not annoying. In fact, you’re so silent I’m pretty sure each time you thought I was staring at you I was just making sure you were still in the room. You’re a dream student, Frederick.”

The kid gave him a dejected smile that looked just so out of place in an eight-year-old boy and shook his head. “Thank you, sir. Enjoy your lunch. I will go eat mine now.”

“Okay, sure…” he cleared his throat and pretended to read something on his phone while the kid exited the classroom. Once he was out, he checked the recent calls and dialed one of his best friends. “Hey, Herc? There’s a kid that needs your attention, I think.”

“ _You got a case for me, Ham?_ ”

“Yeah,” he released a shaky breath. “I think. I don’t really have any proof of it, but… I don’t know man, I just know it, and so does a colleague. What can we do?”

It turned out that trying to make a case of abuse with no evidence wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t precisely _hard_ either, especially when there existed a couple of restriction orders against the kids’ father and there was a neighbor willing to talk for hours about the yelling that could be heard coming from the two-story house, nosy enough to have recorded it all on tape. The guy’s color also helped, which made Alexander and Hercules feel a little like crap, but the more the SVU detective investigated, the more their suspicions grew confirmed. James Mark Prevost was a violent man with military background and was currently unemployed, taking out all his frustrations on his wife and kids. The woman had tried to leave him on several occasions, but always came back after he begged enough. Whether she had been aware of the abuse happening to her children as well, it wasn’t clear, but Alexander felt sorry for her nevertheless. Hercules told him the trial could take a while, but the man had been immediately removed from the children’s proximity and that was appeasing enough.

They took some days from school, but came back one Wednesday like nothing had happened—or were their smiles a little brighter?

“Thank you,” said Aaron, as soon as they were in the break room alone.

“What?” Alexander stared at him bewildered. “I didn’t do anything!”

“Yes, you did, you…” he licked his lips, “listened, and talked, and forced _me_ to talk.”

“You would’ve done it anyway, the moment you had proof.”

“It would’ve taken me longer, so, thank you.”

Alexander leaned forward on his chair, resting his elbows on his knees. “How did you know, Burr?”

“What?”

“You had a _hunch_ , Burr, that’s…” Alexander shook his head. “I know you’re a great teacher, but so is Caroline and she didn’t notice a thing until you talked to her.”

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Alexander.”

“The truth, obviously.”

“I… I’ve seen it before, I guess,” he admitted with a shrug, looking to the side. “It must be easier to recognize, that way.”

“In other students?”

Aaron sighed. That was an easy, logical explanation that didn’t require any more information. And Hamilton had suggested it so that meant he would believe it no matter what. It was perfect; the man with inexhaustible curiosity wouldn’t press for details for once. “In my sister, and myself too, I guess.”

For the first time in three years of meeting him, Aaron had left Alexander Hamilton speechless.

“I’m sorry, Burr, I didn’t… I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay.”

Alexander shook his head. He wanted to ask so much, _needed_ to know _so_ much, but the last thing he wanted was to make his coworker uncomfortable. If anything, he wanted to comfort him. He just didn’t know how. Aaron Burr wasn’t exactly a communicative person.

“The police ever found out?”

“No.”

Hamilton couldn’t have repressed the gasp of shock and indignation even if he had tried.

“I’d appreciate it if you never mentioned this again, Hamilton.”

“Aaron—”

“Please, Alexander. Just, don’t.”

And Alexander didn’t. He backed off and didn’t mention a thing but didn’t put any distance between them. In fact, he started searching for Aaron at times when before he never did, asking for his opinion even more frequently, and constantly informing him of his everyday life, with as much naturalness as he could.

Still, curiosity was eating him alive. He knew Burr’s parents were dead merely because of a passing comment in a Christmas party two years ago, but that was it. He hadn’t even known Burr had a sister. He didn’t know how young he’d been when his parents died, much less who might have hurt him. Was it his dead parents, a mean relative, a foster parent, or a legal guardian? How long had it been going on? Did it _ever_ stop?

“You need to stop,” said Aaron a week later, on another Wednesday that felt like the mirrored version of the time Alexander had asked about Frederick. They were alone in the teacher’s breakroom, and would be for another 80 minutes, at least.

“Huh?”

“Stop thinking about what I told you the other day.”

Alexander panicked and looked around even though he knew no one else was there. He dragged his chair closer to Aaron and stuttered: “I, I haven’t mentioned it!”

“No,” Aaron rolled his eyes, “you just stare at me _all the time_ , dying to make questions, and people are starting to notice. Stop it, Hamilton.”

“I’m sorry, it was not my intention, but—”

“I forgive you, but you need to stop.”

“I don’t think I can.”

Aaron stared at him incredulously.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t… I have _so many_ questions, and I—”

“What makes you think I’d ever answer?”

“I know you surely don’t want to, but… Aaron, please. Let’s go somewhere else and talk about it? Just answer me a few things and I’ll never mention it again. I promise. And, and I’ll stop looking. I’ll leave you alone if you want. I promise.”

For a moment, Aaron was too shocked to answer. “I can’t believe you’re so full of yourself. How can you even ask such a thing?”

“I’m sure you want to talk about it as much as I want to know!”

Aaron huffed. “You couldn’t be more wrong.” He didn’t want to talk about it, much less to Alexander Hamilton, of all people. They were _friendly_ , but they weren’t friends, and Aaron suspected he was gay. That brought a whole new set of reasons to stay away from him to the table.

“Aaron, please!”

But he gave up, of course he did. Alexander Hamilton just couldn’t take a no for an answer, and Aaron was kind of a pushover too. It took about twenty minutes of more pleading, sure, but eventually, Aaron agreed that they could, one day, talk about it in more detail.

“Alright, but I don’t want to talk about it in here, of all places. Just…” he sighed, “you can come to my apartment one of these days.”

Alexander never thought he’d get that much. Aaron Burr was a nice guy, but a very private one. In three years, Alexander had done his best to get closer to him, but he knew they weren’t more than colleagues, which was a little frustrating because it meant he was at the very same level as people like Jefferson. He shivered with that thought. “How about tonight?” He knew Aaron had two more classes that day and then he’d be free, whereas he only had one more. He didn’t mind waiting.

Aaron sighed. “I’ll think about it.” He stood up. He already had his stuff ready to go to class.

“Okay. Sure. Uh, good luck.”

Aaron snorted. “We’re seeing money today. It’ll be fun.”

“Oh, great,” Alexander chuckled.

Before he came to King’s Elementary School, he had met many people that weren’t happy with their jobs. Many that didn’t even like children, and many that simply had grown exhausted after many years, but he also knew many that loved it. Many that no matter how long it passed, they still enjoyed teaching. Alexander loved teaching, and those were the people he wanted to surround himself with, which was probably why he had liked Aaron as soon as they met. Not only the man clearly loved what he did, but he also had _his exact same job_ which meant they never run out of small talk. Besides, the guy had great ideas too. Alexander knew kids loved him and thought he was fun, but he also knew he talked too much and sometimes, he needed to give shorter definitions, which Aaron excelled at.

Alexander really liked talking to Aaron. He didn’t want that to end. But the idea of going to his apartment and hear about his childhood was something he simply couldn’t resist, even when he knew it risked turning their barely friendly working relationship into something awkward and distant. He casted that thought away while he gave a lecture to prepare his class to start making their original compositions to work on grammar, which was perhaps his favorite part of fourth grade English, but as soon as he let them to their own devices, he was metaphorically alone with his thoughts again—even with the occasional disturbance. Aaron was luckier. With two blocks of math, the last thing on his mind was Alexander and his future visit. But the time to go home arrived, and there in the breakroom, he found his colleague waiting for him, practically bouncing on his seat.

Aaron wondered if the reason kids loved him so much was because they thought he was one of them.

“You ready to go? I’ll follow you on my car.”

Aaron nodded and fantasized about losing him on the road. He was not surprised he couldn’t. Alexander had a reputation of being a reckless driver whereas Aaron was the opposite. He totally embraced it after the third yellow light he stopped at while Hamilton threatened to deafen him with his klaxon. The gestures he got to see through his rearview were kind of funny, so he allowed himself to smile at the guy. It helped with the nerves.

“Do you drive like that all the time or were you just bothering me? I’d totally get it if it was that, but…”

Aaron gave him his best innocent expression. “What do you mean? Drive like what?”

Alexander swallowed and narrowed his eyes.

Aaron chuckled. “I do. But I may have exaggerated a little.” He usually went a little faster. Just a little. 12, 13 or maybe 20 mph faster or so. “You clearly drive like a madman.”

Alexander huffed and crossed his arms over his chest while they waited for the elevator. He did not correct him, which meant he was fully aware of the fact. It was interesting he didn’t try to defend himself. “Which floor?”

“Sixth.”

Alexander nodded, and Aaron was suddenly very aware of his surroundings. As subtly as he could, he supported himself against one of the elevator’s walls. He was still trying to process the fact that he had agreed to talk about things he never talked about. And to a coworker, of all people. He was both, eager to get out of there, and wishing the elevator never reached his floor. But it did, which rose the nerves in both of them, though each was too caught up in their own mind to notice. If there would’ve been a fire, Alexander wouldn’t have noticed. He only had space on his mind for the sound his footsteps made on the white floor and his own hair sticking to the back of his neck.

The moment the door opened, a brown medium-sized dog with shiny impeccable hair came to greet them, obviously happy to see Aaron. That was a good distraction.

“Hey sweetheart, how was your day?” said Aaron kindly, petting her head and back. “I missed you too. We’ll go for a walk in a minute, okay? Say hello to my friend, his name is Alexander.”

The dog barked chirpily and wailed her tail. It was very adorable.

And yet, Alexander couldn’t help to gasp loudly after he took a better look at her.

“Oh, sorry, I should’ve warned you about that. She has a tumor on her mouth.” Of course, he had thought of warning him, he just hadn’t known how. It should’ve been easy; ‘ _I have a dog, and she’s sick, so don’t freak out when you see her_ ’ but he never could. The words always got stuck on his throat.

“Poor thing…” he bit his bottom lip, “can I still pet her?”

Aaron shrugged. “If you want, of course. Just don’t touch the big disgusting ball on the side of her face and you’ll be fine. She’s friendly, but it hurts.”

“I can imagine. Shit.”

“Yeah…” he sighed. “The vet agrees is pretty unfair that after a full healthy life she gets this awful, untreatable thing on her last years.”

The poor dog had a red-ish bulge the size of a ping-pong ball sticking out of her mouth which probably was supposed to be part of her gums but had grown indiscriminately because of the cancer. It was an unsettling view, to say the least.

“She doesn’t have trouble eating?”

“Not so far, but it’s getting there. Look, just… make yourself comfortable. I’ll take her out for a walk. You can wait here.”

“Could I go with you? I get it if you want to go alone, and I don’t mind waiting, but I’d like going, too.”

Aaron pursed his lips and turned to the dog. “What do you say, Theo? Would you mind if Alexander comes with us?”

Alexander wasn’t an expert, but Aaron probably was, and apparently he interpreted her bark as a yes, because he then told Alexander he could go. He was surprised when they took the stairs, but didn’t comment on it, and simply enjoyed the one-sided conversation his coworker enjoyed with his pet—well, it wasn’t actually one-sided. The dog answered every time, but Alexander just couldn’t know what she was saying. He figured it was something about what a wonderful owner Aaron was, what kinds of birds she had seen, and probably something more about food. They then made a pause because she started rubbing her paw against the ball on her mouth, and he hoped his face didn’t show how much that moved him.

Judging by the look Aaron gave him, it probably did.

“The vet says most of it is dead tissue, so it’s more annoying than painful. She’s just trying to take it off.”

“She’s very smart, isn’t she?”

Aaron hummed. “She’s a genius. Do you have any pets?”

Alexander shook his head. “I had a cat growing up, but nothing ever since I live alone. My friends say it’s for the best, since I can barely take care of myself.”

Aaron snorted. “I won’t argue with them, then. They know you better than I do.”

Alexander gasped, but his laughter got in the way of his very compelling argument to refute that, completely invalidating it. After that, the atmosphere between them got lighter. They walked through the park at a slow peace and talked about the weather, the neighborhood, and the pros and cons of having a ‘bring your pet to school’ day. Alexander’s main argument to oppose to it was that Jefferson had proposed it, which wasn’t particularly powerful according to Aaron, though he ultimately agreed with him that it was indeed a terrible idea.

“Perhaps in a smaller class, or they could turn it into a fieldtrip. Go to the park and bring their pets. Otherwise, the school would… collapse. And it would be a mess.”

“Exactly! Stupid Jefferson, thinks just because he probably had a turtle or a fish growing up all of his students are capable of being responsible of a pet for an entire school day.”

Aaron chuckled with that. “I think he had a dog, actually.”

“Shut up. Don’t ruin the picture in my head. He must have been a lonely kid, and probably had like, an iguana. Or a ferret.”

“I really can picture that, actually.”

“Right?”

It was fun and pleasant, and Aaron almost forgot the real reason Alexander had come. Almost. But then they had to go back up, because Theo got tired easily nowadays. They took the elevator.

“She’s exhausted,” commented Alexander.

“Yeah. She used to have a lot of energy, but that damn thing is draining her. She’s going to fall asleep soon. She still wakes up early in the mornings though. She’s the reason I haven’t slept late in ten years.” He sat down on the couch and tapped on the space next to him, which shortly the dog occupied, resting her head on Aaron’s lap. “Come on, ask your goddamn questions.”

Alexander sat down on the chair closest to him and shook his head. “I really don’t want to pressure you into telling me things you’re uncomfortable with.”

“It’s a little bit too late for that, don’t you think?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m like a kid, and you just threw that bomb at me and I… have you ever told anybody?”

Aaron thought of Tapping. Of how they’d trusted him, and what that later meant to Sally.

“Yes,” he admitted softly, “once.”

Alexander nodded. “How did that go?”

Aaron snorted and looked away, crossing his arms over his chest. “Not bad, I guess. He married my sister not long after.”

“You sound sour. Were you jealous of your sister?”

Aaron seemed surprised, but finally placed his eyes in Alexander. “For marrying Tapping?” he cackled. “Oh god, no. I just… he sounds like a savior, doesn’t he?” he shook his head and ran the hand that wasn’t petting the sleeping dog through his short hair. “I guess she saw it that way, too.”

Alexander frowned. “You didn’t.”

“I think he took advantage of her.”

“That’s quite an accusation.”

“Emotional manipulation doesn’t get any jail time, Alexander. And he’s always been kind to her, to us. In a way, I’m certain that she loves him, but gratitude can easily be mistaken for something else. Especially when you’re an impressionable eighteen-year-old and a guy that’s ten years older than you wants you to marry him.”

Alexander gasped indignantly. “That’s statutory rape!”

“He waited until she was eighteen, Alexander. He wasn’t stupid.”

“How long did he have to wait?”

Aaron looked away and took a deep breath, with a tight grip in his own bicep. “A little under four years,” he confessed.

“And you didn’t think that was creepy at all? If you told him about whatever it is you still haven’t told me, and instead of trying to get you to talk to _more_ people he just… used it to his advantage to get into some _little_ _girl’s_ pants…!”

“He tried,” Aaron hurried to clarify, and then wanted to kick himself when he saw the incredulous look he received from Hamilton. “It wasn’t… look, I’m not trying to defend him—”

“Are you sure? Because it sounds an awful lot like that.”

“He was her math tutor, and sometimes he helped me with my homework too, okay? Is it creepy that he liked a fourteen-year-old? Yes. It totally is, but they’ve been together for over twenty years and they’re, they’re fine.” He sighed heavily and rubbed his face with both hands. “First, he told her to tell someone at school, but that didn’t work. He wanted to call the cops, but we told him no, and soon after they got married, he convinced Sally to go see a therapist. She’s been… fine.”

“How old were you, when he found out?”

“Eleven.”

“And he still didn’t call the cops? He just listened to a teenager and a kid?”

“What makes you think that would’ve helped, at all?

“You can’t know that because it never happened, can you?”

Aaron shook his head with a depreciative grin. “It didn’t happen often, okay? It wasn’t… we weren’t like the Prevost kids, Alexander.”

“Bullshit. You wouldn’t have noticed a thing if that were the case.”

“It’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“Well, for starters James Prevost was supposed to take care of his children, they’re his duty, not…” _not a favor_.

Alexander didn’t have a problem filling in the blanks. He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “How old were you when your parents died?” asked he, barely above a whisper.

“Two.”

“Who took you in, after?”

“My grandparents, and when they passed, an uncle with his wife.”

“How old were you when they passed?”

“Six.”

Alexander winced. That’s first grade. That’s younger than his students. That’s… memories from an island and a happy parent in each hand, an older brother smiling and walking ahead, for Alexander. He felt guilty. Quickly the entire situation had turned into an interrogation and that was exactly what he had tried to avoid and, apparently, what Burr had been expecting. “Damn it, Aaron… the minute they decided to take you in, it stopped being some fucking favor and it became their responsibility. You weren’t some charity case, you were a _child_. And they had no right to treat you the way they did.”

“You have no idea how they treated me.”

“If a guy wanted you to call the cops about it, then it can’t have been very nicely.”

“They were nice!”

“Aaron…!”

“I’m sorry, but I think you should go.”

“Okay. Sure, I’ll go, and I’ll never mention it again but… I know you think you don’t want to talk about it, but I think you should. Whether it is me, a friend, your sister, a therapist or your bank executive I don’t fucking care, just… I really think you should talk about it.”

“Thank you, Alexander. Have a good day.”

Hamilton sighed. “Sure, you too.”

Aaron shouldn’t get angry on their behalf. He knew that. He knew he had no reason to defend them, not really. But he knew it hadn’t been all bad. There hadn’t been that many bruises, and there had been a reason for every single one. Sure, he had left that house as soon as he could and hardly ever visited, but they were his family. His only family, aside from his sister, and family was better than strangers. What would’ve happened to them if a bunch of strangers had gotten involved and decided his aunt and uncle weren’t doing a good enough job? He always watched the news. He knew what the alternative was, and he didn’t think it was worth it. People like Alexander Hamilton couldn’t understand. Those that got scandalized by the mere thought of a slap could never understand how adaptable kids are. Aaron knew the guy was an orphan though, so shouldn’t he know how frightening the idea of ending in foster care was?

He had trouble sleeping that night. For the first time in years, he dreamt about his aunt and uncle. He dreamt about his room, about the forbidden studio, the too tall shelves in the library and the everlasting heat of the oven. His shoulders itched, his legs ached, and his stomach growled. When he finally got up in the morning, he had to throw up.

Maybe Alexander was right. Maybe he wanted to talk about it, after all.

When he went away for college he moved in with his sister and Tapping, and they both tried to convince him to see a therapist, but he was finally _out_. The last thing he wanted to do was to keep talking about something that was finally in the past. He was good at directing the conversation away from himself, and eventually met a lot of people that never had a clue of what his childhood had been like. And that was refreshing. Growing up, he’d needed to keep it a secret because of his aunt and uncle’s reputation, and everyone had known who he was, and who his parents had been. It was an unwelcome fame, how people would whisper about him on the hallways. But in New York City they never did. Nobody knew anything was different about him, he was just the guy they shared a class with. And he _loved_ it. He had good memories from that time. College was fun. Perhaps a little bit too fun, and some things could only stay there, but ultimately, he didn’t regret it.

He didn’t like to think of all the things he did in college, actually.

The point was, he didn’t regret having kept everything to himself for so long. When he got away, he was so happy to be gone that he felt as if talking about it would ruin everything, would bring his past into the new chapter he was living. And when college was over, he was too busy looking for a place for himself, a job, and trying to figure out how to control an overenergetic puppy to even consider seeking help, because _he didn’t think he needed any_. Not psychological anyway. He thought he was fine. He dated a few women and almost felt normal. He thought he was doing what most people did. He walked his dog, went to work, and every few months had a few dates on the weekends. Wasn’t that what life was supposed to be like? And he had friends. Not that many, but he had at least a good one he knew he could visit any time he wanted. In a whim, he collected his phone, wallet, keys and a jacket and walked out the door mindless of the time. He only tied Theo’s leash once they were at the elevator.

He had met William Van Ness—a freshman at the time—on his junior year in college in his Introduction to Philosophy class, and they had been best friends ever since, no matter their differences. William was optimistic, sensitive, practical and yet, quite kind for a lawyer. He wasn’t as good with words as Aaron was and he often told him he envied him, but he was always fast to list all of Aaron’s good traits—many of which Aaron wasn’t even aware of, like how fast he replied to texts and how he never raised his voice.

Well, he might have been aware of that one.

It was definitely good for their friendship that they didn’t live far away from each other. That had been in fact one of the things on William’s list of pros when looking for an apartment. Therefore, Aaron was at his doorstep less than fifteen minutes after going out.

“Aaron? Are you okay?”

“Yes.” He hadn’t stopped to think of how he looked. He ran a hand over his head, even though he knew his hair was the last thing he should worry about. “Sorry to bother you at this hour.”

“It’s fine man, I’m just surprised,” Van Ness gave him a big, honest grin, and a tight hug. “Come in! Would you like a drink? Hi there, Theo,” he petted her softly on top of her head.

Burr nodded weakly on his way to the couch, where he sat heavily. Theo lied down at his feet. She knew to never climb on other people’s furniture.

“Okay…” He went to get them both a drink and then sat down on a chair across from him, leaving the two glasses on top of the coffee table. “What happened?”

“Have you ever had a broken rib?”

“A broken…? Jesus, no! Are you okay? I’ve been told it hurts like a motherfucker.”

“It does,” Aaron nodded. “I’m fine now, though. I don’t think I’ve had a broken bone in years.”

“Aaron?” his friend stared at him with a puzzled expression.

He took a long sip of his drink. “I… never mentioned anything like that, did I?”

“You know you didn’t.” Van Ness didn’t even know what was there to mention, but he was intrigued. Aaron could tell for the way he was unconsciously leaning forward in his seat.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I don’t know; nothing? Everything? For not telling you, for telling you now? I don’t know,” he shook his head and took another sip of his whiskey. “Hamilton got in my head, and I…” he chuckled shakily. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing man, just… tell me whatever pops into your head, okay? I’m here to listen.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t sweat it, man. More whiskey?”

Van Ness surely didn’t have the slightest idea of what it was all about, but he looked like he wanted to listen, if only for his friend’s wellbeing, so Aaron talked. Around several glasses, he told his friend what it had been like growing up with Timothy and Rhoda Edwards. He told him about church, about the rules and about their Lakeland Terrier, Seabury. He never entered in the details of the punishments he mentioned, but judging by William’s pale countenance, he didn’t need to. Perhaps he said too much, or perhaps he didn’t say enough, but at some point he realized they’d been quiet for a while when his friend straightened, startled, and cleared his throat, announcing he had been falling asleep. It was five in the morning.

“Sorry man, but I got a meeting at nine tomorrow, well, today, so I’ll leave your amazing company in this couch of mine for my beloved bed. I’ll bring you a blanket.”

“Thank you,” he smiled sincerely, and yawned. “I’ll be out of your head as soon as I wake up tomorrow, I promise.”

Van Ness chuckled. “Don’t worry, man. As long as you don’t burn anything, you’re welcome to stay for as long as you want to. Besides, I don’t think Theo will wake up any time soon.”

“That was one time!”

“You were making a salad. No one burns a salad!”

“It had to do with the orange I cut open, okay? There was… something,” he frowned. He was drunker than he’d thought. “It was chemical. A chemistry teacher said it could happen.”

“A chemistry teacher didn’t want to admit she had no idea how you managed to burn a salad.”

“That’s a possibility, yes.” He glanced at the sleeping dog by the feet of the couch and considered trying to fit her on top with him. He figured it wasn’t a good idea, and patiently waited for a blanket he made sure to share with her. He didn’t care to put an alarm. He knew Theo would wake him up.

More accurately, William woke her up, when he left late for his meeting, and then she woke Aaron up. He was exhausted but felt a lot lighter. He didn’t think he would ever talk about it all again with his friend, but for a reason, bringing it all back was almost as relieving as leaving had been all those years ago. He took his time making toasts and gave Theo some ham.

“We’ll go home in a minute and there I’ll give you a decent breakfast with a lot of chicken fat, I promise.”

Chicken fat was supposed to feed the tumor and slow the cancer. He wasn’t sure it was working. He kept giving it to her every day. She loved it and devoured it as fast as that thing allowed her. Once she was done with her food, she went for her leash while Aaron changed his clothes for something more adequate to what they would do. His first class on Fridays wasn’t until eleven thirty. He still had time.

“Everybody has issues, right? We’re alright.”

Theo barked affirmatively.

He grinned and began jogging. He had to go at a much slower pace than usual, but he didn’t care. He started jogging every morning ever since Theo arrived. It was their thing, and he rarely skipped it. Whenever he did, for one reason or another, she usually ignored him for the rest of the day. He couldn’t have that. They were going to his sister’s place that afternoon and she needed to be at her best behavior so Ronnie could pet her. He loved her, but he was terrified of dogs and though she was sort of an exception, if Aaron gave her an order and she didn’t immediately listen, Ronnie then wouldn’t dare to approach her. That wouldn’t be fair. She needed nothing but love nowadays. That’s why he let her go to the backyard with his nephew while he stayed inside with his sister in the living room. Thankfully, Tapping was busy working.

Aaron didn’t like visiting his sister. He felt conflicted all the time he spent there, enjoying his time with his nephew, loving the gentle smiles and subtle caresses of his always too quiet sister, and hated that he felt so comfortable, so at ease with Tapping. When he met Tapping Reeve shortly after his eleventh birthday, it had been a happy occurrence, and to this day, the man treated him as his younger brother. Hell, the guy had been the one to give him Theo after he graduated college. It was just _so hard_ to hold any hard feelings against the man that was always so nice, especially when his sister looked as happy as he ever saw her; which honestly wasn’t that much, by anyone else’s standards, but it was better. Her life there was genuinely better, but… he still felt like it wasn’t enough, that she could be so much more. And he considered Tapping was to blame for her mediocre happiness.

“There’s something on your mind,” said Sally, bringing him back to the present with a start. He hadn’t even noticed her seeing him, but she hardly had to. They had learnt to read each other’s movements a long time ago.

“You’ve ever told anybody what it was like, growing up with our uncle? Aside from Tapping and your therapist, I mean.”

She shook her head slowly. “I don’t need to be seen as a victim. The other parents in Ronnie’s class, they think I’m some poor girl that got married too soon. The last thing I want is for any of them to think of me as the poor orphan that got beaten periodically as a kid.”

Aaron nodded. “No, of course not, but… what about a friend? Don’t you have any close friends, Sally?”

“You know I don’t. Do you, Aaron?”

“I think so.”

“That’s good.”

“You should go out more, Sally.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t tease me, Aaron. You know why I don’t do that. I’m busy, there’s so much to do all the time, and I… I’m okay. I have Tap. I’m fine.”

“He’s not everything you have, though.”

“He’s everything I need.”

“That doesn’t sound healthy, Sal.”

“And since when has anything in our lives sounded _healthy_? Aaron, please… if you’re talking to people, that’s great. Remember I tried to get you to go to therapy when you went to college, because talking really helps. That doesn’t mean the more you talk, the more people you tell, the easier it gets. Usually the relief comes once or twice and that’s it. Don’t get addicted to venting off.”

“No, of course not, just…” he sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“Are you happy, Sally?”

“Of course I am, silly.” She looked out the window, where Ronnie and Theo could be seen. He was running in front of her. “The world is a messy place, and people always lie. I don’t need more people in my life. I like my garden, and I like my books. I’m happy. I’m… I’m free.”

“Would you like to sing something?”

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” She stood up and went to sit on the piano stool, leaving a space for Aaron. “Tapping has been so busy lately now that he’s a full Professor, I don’t think he’s sat on the piano in months.”

He sat down next to her. “Have you?”

“Almost every morning,” she nodded, “though I rarely play for longer than twenty minutes. There’s always something else to do, you know?” She started playing an old piece they usually played together. Aaron wasn’t sure he remembered his part.

“Yeah, I do.” He too was busy often. Or more accurately, always found something to busy himself with. Chores weren’t something one was supposed to enjoy. But what did it mean when you didn’t enjoy the things you once loved?

He left his sister’s house like he always did, feeling oddly homesick, guilty, and mad all the same. It wasn’t too late, but Theo was clearly exhausted after an afternoon of chasing an eight-year-old. Aaron, on the other hand, couldn’t sit still.

He didn’t know why, but he felt like his conversation with Alexander wasn’t over, which was ridiculous. Sure, it had ended abruptly, but was it really necessary to add more information to it?

Apparently, to appease his conscience, it was.

“Aaron?” his coworker was, as expected, surprised to see him. That tended to happen when people you never gave your address to knock on your door.

“Hey. Can I come in?”

“Of course!” Hamilton moved away clumsily, and looked particularly young in his hoody and sweats, hair knotted in a messy bun and glasses Burr had never seen before. “Uh, would you like some coffee, or…?”

“Coffee would be nice, yes.”

“Okay cool, uh, you can sit in the living room… here.”

He led Aaron to a cozy open space right next to the kitchen with a comfortable brown leather couch and two chairs that matched. Aaron was a little overwhelmed with all the pictures on the walls and on top of the coffee table. His coworker was back with two mugs and he was happy to just wrap his fingers around it. He wasn’t sure if ingesting caffeine right then was the best idea, but he did anyway. He just didn’t want to be rude.

 “I tried talking to other people, you know?”

“That’s good—”

“No, it isn’t,” he snorted and shook his head. He had given a lot of thought to how he could start a conversation with Alexander, and he always came to the same conclusion: The only way of getting the man to listen was to be blatant. “One is not supposed to go around telling people you’ve known for years that your uncle broke one of your ribs after you forgot to take the dog out.”

“Jesus, Aaron…!”

“But it was okay. I mean, Sally and I begged him to let us have a pet, you know, so we promised that we’d take care of him. But I had an important test the next day and Sally was in some birthday party and if I had good grades my aunt wouldn’t spend the entire dinner complaining about us, so I just, I forgot,” he shrugged. “It’s weird. Sally said it didn’t get easier the more people you told, but I’m not sure she’s right. I mean I get why she won’t talk to the other parents in Ronnie’s class,” he ran a hand through his hair and leaned back in the couch, “I sure as hell won’t be telling anything like this to Caroline or Angelica or, god forbid, Jefferson, but…” he giggled, “you wanted to know, and I guess I wanted to tell someone.”

“Who else did you talk to?” Alexander asked softly, as if he couldn’t possibly speak louder. He probably couldn’t. His voice was all wobbly.

Aaron sighed and shook his head. “An old friend. It was… weird, and I don’t think I’ll ever mention it again. I don’t regret it but I’m afraid he might cry or try to hug me if I tell him anything else.”

“So no hugs, huh?”

Aaron shook his head in a resolute negation. “Hugs are weird.”

“You’re weird; hugs are amazing.”

“Sure, if you say so.” He allowed himself to smile openly at the man in front of him, and that seemed to enlighten the atmosphere instantly. They sipped their coffees in silence for a while, because none felt too eager to change it. But eventually Aaron did, because that was the whole point of his visit. “I never told you how Tapping found out.”

“Tapping is the creep that married your sister, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, go on.”

“He came once a week, on Fridays, but one time he told my sister he could come one Wednesday because she had a test on Thursday. My uncle forgot, and we didn’t mind reminding him until… well. He didn’t leave marks often, but sometimes he did. And that Wednesday he did and Tapping freaked out. Sally had to cover his mouth so our aunt wouldn’t hear him, and we begged him to stay quiet.”

“Wait a minute. You were eleven and your sister was fourteen, right?”

“Yes.”

“So, the guy should’ve called the cops anyway.”

Aaron sighed. “Yeah, probably, that would’ve been the responsible-adult-thing to do, but… what would’ve happened then? My uncle was our only relative alive, Alexander.”

“You could’ve died.”

“I doubt that.”

“Seriously, Aaron, you know how easy it is for situations of domestic violence to escalate like that. And you’re telling me you lived with those people for over ten years!”

“They did a lot of good, too.”

“Aaron—”

“I mean, beyond taking us in, they… they genuinely cared, okay? I mean sure, nothing justifies violence but… there were nice things too. It wasn’t all bad. If social services would’ve gotten involved I have no idea what would’ve happened to us. For all I know, it could’ve been worse. So yes, we convinced Tapping not to call the police.”

“He broke your fucking ribs, Aaron.”

“And he apologized, too, for being so extreme. And I had it coming, remember.”

“You forgot to walk _a dog_ , because you were _studying_.”

“I was eleven, I should’ve realized—”

“Wait, what?”

Only then he realized he hadn’t told Alexander how old he’d been when that had happened. He grimaced. He should’ve lied.

He sighed. “Yeah… Tapping really freaked out when he heard. He started texting me every day around the time I was supposed to take Seabury out so it wouldn’t happen again.”

Alexander snorted. “Real helpful.”

“Believe it or not, it meant a lot. Look, I know it’s fucked up. I know there’s got to be something very wrong with him, but… he was like a big brother to me. And when he took Sally out, even though I thought it wasn’t _right_ , it was amazing to have some place to go whenever I _wanted to_. I don’t like going there anymore. In fact, I try not to, and when I think of him I honestly believe he took advantage of my sister.”

“But?”

“I don’t fucking know, Alexander. When he’s there, he’s the nicest guy in the world and he’s not _faking it_ , which is pretty surprising to me, still. And he looks at my sister like he loves her, and she looks at him like… like he saved her.”

“That is so fucked up, Aaron.”

Burr shrugged. “He’s never going to leave her, and neither is she. Ronnie, that’s my nephew, is happy, genuinely happy. I know them. Hell, I _lived_ with them for four years and some of my happiest memories are from that time. There’s no violence in that house, so why should anyone bother them?”

“You know the answer to that.”

Aaron finished his coffee. He remembered Theo was alone. “I should get going. It’s late and Theo is alone at home.”

“Sure.” Alexander stood up and stretched his arms over his head. He walked him to the door, and their eyes didn’t meet as they said goodbye.

On the days that followed they hardly talked, and even though normally that wouldn’t have been strange—they hadn’t been friends before—it certainly _was_ now because it wasn’t Aaron Burr the one being distant, but Alexander, and Alexander was never distant, especially not to Aaron. He even started having breakfast in a little café a few blocks from the school with another colleague—the PE teacher—and friend, Angelica Schuyler, who had been surprised to be joined by him but not at all bothered.

“Aaron thinks I’m avoiding him,” mumbled he after a long sip of his coffee.

“Well,” she frowned, “you _are_.”

“Yeah, but not for the reason he thinks.”

“Why does he think you’re avoiding him?”

“He… told me some things, about his childhood. Private things. And I believe he thinks it was too much, because he doesn’t really share that kind of information with, well, with anybody.”

“Dude… you’ve had a crush on the guy for three years, but only start avoiding him after he confided in you? What kind of asshole does that?”

“I know, I’m terrible but he _trusted me_. He never trusted me before. I never had to avoid him before because he treated me coldly, but now that he’s actually paying attention I, I’m too scared I’ll mess up. I don’t want him to think that I only listened because I like him.” He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t be like the creep of _Tapping_.

On the days that followed the surreal night in Alexander’s apartment, they hardly talked, and even though normally Aaron wouldn’t have found it strange, it _was_ when it was not him doing the avoiding. It was Hamilton. Hamilton who was always busy or on his way out or on the phone, and hardly even looked at Aaron. He tried not to show how much it affected him, but he wasn’t sure it worked at all, for he couldn’t help to stare at him openly from time to time. He hoped he was glaring, but he wasn’t in fact certain of what expression he was pulling exactly. Still, he only thought of it when he was at work. At home, his concerns were of another nature entirely.

He waited as much as he could, but he knew he was running out of time.

The vet told him it was time to make a decision. That judging by the speed of it, he couldn’t know how soon it would be, but soon she could no longer close her mouth, and she would have to choose between breathing or eating. Soon, she would asphyxiate to death, unless they did something for her.

Unless they helped her to fall asleep one last time, peacefully and painlessly.

He didn’t cry often. Not anymore. He had forgotten how tiring it was, how swollen his entire face got. He had forgotten that when one fell asleep crying, they looked like hell in the morning, and didn’t feel rested at all. A long shower probably would’ve helped, but since Theo didn’t wake him up, he slept late, and that realization only made him cry even more. Still, he managed to get to school during the recess before his first class of the day and kept his gaze fixed on the floor in hope that no one would notice him.

Alexander had taken his messenger bag and seemed to be on his way out, clearly with no intention of spending his free period there, but…

He’d never seen Aaron like that.

“Aaron? Are you okay?”

Aaron almost growled. He didn’t want to talk. But it was Alexander, and… Alexander had barely spoken a word to him in the last week. Perhaps that should’ve been a reason to ignore him. It wasn’t. “Yeah. I just… I look awful, don’t I? It’s just…” he rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m just tired, I guess. And I fell asleep this morning, so…”

Alexander frowned. “You slept late? But you said…” he gasped. “Oh, Aaron,” he covered his mouth with a hand, “I’m so sorry.”

Aaron shrugged one shoulder, but his eyes stung. “I know it was just a dog, but…”

“Don’t say that. I know you don’t think that and I don’t think that either.” He sat down next to him and after a second’s hesitation, passed one arm around his shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”

Aaron buried his face in his hands and cried. He cried quietly, that way people do when they don’t want to be heard, and Alexander’s heart broke into a million pieces. He knew Aaron had to give a class in less than ten minutes, but how was he supposed to do it?

“I can cover for you today if you want. I’m free this period.”

Aaron sobbed. “No. Thank you, but that’s…”

“At least for a couple of minutes. Take some time. Breathe a little, I don’t know. Come when you feel ready.”

Aaron didn’t think he’d ever be ready. His students asked about Theo every day. “Can you tell them?”

“What?”

“About Theo. They knew she was sick. They ask me about her every morning.”

“Oh, shit. Yes, of course, I’ll tell them. Don’t worry.”

Aaron had never been one to start a confrontation, that was certainly Alexander’s expertise, but he… he’d thought things wouldn’t change, no matter how much he told him, which clearly had been stupid of him. Things _had_ changed. But Alexander was still willing to step into a group of thirty-three eight-year-olds to tell them his dog had died, so maybe they could still be friends, right? If they talked some more.

“Alexander… why are you avoiding me?”

Alexander felt like a jerk. “Because I was being stupid, but I’ll stop now, don’t worry. It sucks too much not talking to you. Don’t tell Angelica but you give best advice than her.”

Aaron chuckled, amazingly relieved. He still felt like shit, and he was still crying, but the weight oppressing his chest was a little bit lighter.

He hadn’t thought he would care so much if the man avoided him. He certainly hadn’t look forward to interacting with the guy during breaks, but he had gotten used to it and it was nice to have it all back. And maybe he should feel bad that he got it back after crying on his shoulder, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. He had needed it, and Alexander… Alexander was his friend, wasn’t he? He had always wanted to be friends. So even though he was still curious about _why_ Alexander had decided to, in his words, be _stupid_ , he didn’t ask again because he didn’t like to think about that Friday morning. His routine had been drastically altered, he could at least refrain from making his life harder with unnecessarily complicated conversations. What was important was that he and Alexander were friends. They weren’t even just coworkers, but friends, because they actively sought each other during their breaks and even went out for lunch when they had some extra time. Aaron hadn’t seen it coming, but he started looking forward to those lunchbreaks, where Alexander would be even more blatant with his comments. If a year ago somebody had told him Alexander Hamilton was in fact mindful of what he said in the teacher’s breakroom, he would’ve laughed. How naïve he used to be! Even though Alexander never hesitated to criticize people to their face and always participated in the gossip, when he was far away from the school, he was a lot harsher, and a lot more speculative in his theories.

“I think Jefferson and Madison are dating.”

Aaron raised his face from his plate of pizza to stare at him wide-eyed. “What? But… but it’s against the school rules!”

Alexander snorted. “Washington doesn’t care. If no parents complain, he’s not even going to say he knows. And do you honestly think that rule has a point?”

“Well…” he used a napkin and pursed his lips, “yes. Clearly. All rules have a point. Relationships in the workplace are always complicated, they invite unprofessional behavior, without mentioning breakups.”

Alexander sometimes wondered how come he was attracted to the guy. That line of thought was usually interrupted by Aaron doing something extremely attractive, like breathing, and he was answered. “Sure. But if things go well, they eventually grow out of the ‘unprofessional behavior’, and they shouldn’t break up either.”

“There’s always risk of a breakup. Even married couples break up. That’s literally why divorces exist.”

“Don’t you have even a tiny winy crave for romance in you?”

“No.”

Alexander narrowed his eyes. He had no doubt Aaron was being fully honest regarding romance, and though he knew the guy was allergic to breaking rules, he had the impression there was something else to it.

“Besides, why do you think that? Do you have proof?”

“Well, no, but…”

“Then you shouldn’t go around talking behind their backs. That’s how rumors start. Especially one so…”

“So what?”

“So dangerous! You know how parents are!”

“Homophobic and racists and overall terrible?” He rolled his eyes. “I know. And obviously I won’t go around telling everyone I know in places where someone can hear. But I trust you won’t start a rumor. And we’re alone.” He wanted to joke about knowing Aaron wasn’t homophobic, but only then he realized he actually _didn’t_ know. He was always quick to judge, and assumed good people couldn’t be intolerant, but Aaron had grown in an abusive household and sometimes, hard opinions like those are learned. Sometimes that couldn’t be helped. And sometimes it was the exact opposite and they rejected all of the abuser’s opinions. Alexander couldn’t know which Aaron was, and he didn’t feel like risking offending the guy by asking, so he didn’t.

He just started to pay close attention to figure it out on his own. It wasn’t as hard as he initially thought it would be. Sure, Aaron was the sort of person to avoid conflict and hardly ever expressed his opinion, but whenever the breakroom was full, the general conversation was always about some big, fundamental issue—whenever it was not gossip. It was during that time that Alexander could try to get Aaron’s opinion as subtly as he could, if not immediately, once they were all alone and Alexander could pretend he simply meant to mock their other coworkers. For example, when James Madison started complaining about the new initiative to impart sexual education on sixth grade, Aaron didn’t say a single word. He kept grading papers as if he couldn’t listen what was going on around them. But later they went out for lunch together and Alexander brought it up again, in the form of a joke.

“I think Madison is afraid of his class having sexual education because then his students could go up to him and ask about things he probably doesn’t know.”

“What is that even supposed to mean?”

Alexander shrugged one shoulder. “Madison is gayer than glitter. He probably doesn’t even know what a naked woman looks like.”

Aaron snorted. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Then why does he oppose to it so much?”

Aaron grimaced. He hated those discussions. Honestly, if they wanted to learn, they would. The internet provided enough for everybody. The problem was that teenagers just wanted to _do it_ , but they didn’t want to learn about the risks and all the precautions they should take, that’s why sexual education was important. That teenagers were so complicated was one of the reasons he had picked to teach in elementary school instead of high school though. And sixth graders were _still_ children. They were eleven, twelve at most. Did they honestly need to learn about those things at that age?

“Aren’t they too young?”

Alexander pursed his lips. “I guess eleven is a little young for it. But maybe that way they’ll pay more attention. Teenagers many times don’t listen because they think they know more already.”

“Maybe they do, though.”

Alexander shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe they do. But a lot of them don’t. Especially those with very religious backgrounds. Then they go to college and try literally everything without understanding the dangers.”

Aaron tried to get the waiter’s attention to get another juice. “Well, doesn’t everybody do that? Besides, sexual education is supposed to be pretty basic, isn’t it? So it doesn’t upset anybody.”

“I think it depends on the school. But that’s utterly absurd. I can’t believe just because a bunch of bigots might get offended, kids need to stop learning stuff. We’re teaching them that the earth is round, so why shouldn’t we teach them that same sex relationships are natural?”

“But are they, though?”

Well, that settled it.

“I mean,” Aaron licked his lips, “I just mean that science can _prove_ that the earth is round. There are literal pictures, like we can teach them that tomatoes are fruits. But with this sort of thing is a lot more complicated. They can even argue that science cannot fully explain why people have different sexualities. And since same sex relationships are, in its core, unfertile, then they can argue they are not natural. That’s all I’m saying.”

It was a very polite, very rational, very _Burr_ way of putting it. Alexander tried not to show how much it upset him. He was only glad he already had plans to meet with most of his friends that night, because he would need one drink—or several—to get over his new discovery.

Alexander had had the same group of friends pretty much since his freshman year in college, with two or three additions when some of them got married, but the main group almost stayed the same, and they did a lot of things together even though their lives had taken quite different routes. That was something Alexander always felt grateful about, because he knew that when life got in the way, no matter how much you love someone, you unavoidably drift apart and what’s worse is that you don’t even notice. But that hadn’t happened with them so far, and for that, he was grateful.

He arrived at his friend Hercules’s place—which he shared with his husband, the one significant other that immediately had become one more of the group—around nine p.m. already craving for alcohol and a benevolent ear to complain to, which was great because both Hercules and Lafayette were perhaps the best at that, at least in their group. Then again, their group included people like Laurens and Angelica who were pretty much the opposite of a benevolent ear, but their arrival didn’t stop his torrent of words.

Eliza and her wife Maria were the last ones to arrive, and by then, Alexander had already said most of it and was working on his fourth glass of whiskey.

“I’m dying,” declared Alexander, to summarize it all.

Angelica rolled her eyes. “Don’t be dramatic. You’re just back to the way you used to be.”

“No,” he shook his head, “no, now it’s worse. Now we’re _friends_. This sucks.”

Hercules frowned at him. “What the fuck, man?”

Alexander sighed. “I know. I know, I’m being terrible, but…” he bit his bottom lip. “You guys don’t get it. It used to be easy to fantasize when he hardly gave me a smile, now he _trusts_ me, and I feel like shit because, come on!” He ran a hand through his hair and started braiding it on one side. His fingers were already quite clumsy. “It isn’t just that I’d like to sleep with him. I always cared but now it’s gotten ridiculous. I can’t even get mad at him. The idea of him alone in his apartment is physically painful to me.”

“Just because his dog died?” asked Lafayette in a whisper.

Alexander glared at him.

“Sorry.”

“Just because you are friends it doesn’t mean you can’t be something more though,” reasoned Eliza, who was only then taking the first sip of her vodka.

Angelica winced.

Alexander groaned and buried his face in his folded arms on the table.

“That’s why we shouldn’t start talking before everyone is here…” Hercules sighed and turned to face Eliza, who seemed shocked. “He just discovered the guy is a little bit of a homophobe.”

“What?”

“He’s excusing him because he’s sure it’s a sequel of his terrible childhood,” added Angelica, looking incredulous. “He’s in his thirties though. He’s had time to realize he’s wrong.”

Alexander shook his head. He just had said his childhood had been shitty though, never mentioned violence, so he couldn’t blame them for underestimating the length of the consequences it could have on a person. Still, he had to defend Aaron somehow, without revealing any confidences. “It’s not that he’s mean or goes around judging people.”

“But he rejects it.”

Alexander sighed and ran a hand through his hair, forgetting he had a loose braid and tangling it. “Shit,” he cussed under his breath and redid it. He really didn’t want to talk about Aaron being flawed. It was only logical he would eventually find that the guy wasn’t perfect, but there are some things easily tolerated and then there’s… that.

After his father left, his mother had been pretty clear: some people are worth navigating their issues, but there are some issues that are never worth navigating, no matter the person, no matter the consequences. But she’d been talking about gambling, mostly, so he wasn’t sure what category Aaron and his issues entered. He just knew he had virtually given up on ever having a romantic relationship with the guy, but he wasn’t willing to stop being his friend, not just yet. He hadn’t defended anything that went directly against Alexander’s very existence, so he figured it was still manageable. Besides, they worked together. It was in everyone’s best interest if they kept a friendly relationship.

“If I would’ve known this was coming I never would’ve told you about the job,” muttered Angelica.

“Yes! You are the one to blame for everything that’s wrong with my life!”

That argument ended the way everybody expected.

“Well, at least Halloween is next week,” commented Laurens, grinning playfully at Alexander after he’d been humiliated.

Alexander groaned. “Don’t remind me of it, I won’t even be able to watch a bunch of horror movies because I have to give a class at eight in the morning the next day.”

“Oh man, that sucks.”

“Well, we’re still getting together on the weekend though?”

“Yes, of course!”

Halloween was one of those holidays that some groups of friends cannot stop celebrating. It doesn’t even have to be on the exact date, but binge watching a bunch of horror movies and eating candy was what people do on college for fun any other day, thus doing it as responsible adults felt even sweeter, but they needed that kind of excuse. Still, the actual 31st was in the middle of the week, so those who didn’t have kids and had to work early couldn’t really do anything different.

To Aaron, Halloween usually meant taking Ronnie out with his sister in the afternoon, eating some candy, and maybe get together with William to watch a movie at night, but they both had work the next day so decided not to that year. In all honesty, William wasn’t exactly a fan of horror movies, so that might have been convenient. Then again, Aaron usually had Theo with him at night, and now that he didn’t, he couldn’t know if watching horror movies would be the same or not. He had thought to find out that Halloween but made the mistake of going on Facebook and then all thoughts of a relaxed night in flew out the window.

He hadn’t heard of Bellamy in over ten years. He didn’t think any kind of news regarding him would affect him significantly.

He was wrong.

He almost called William, but he really didn’t want to talk about it. William had been there after the breakup. He’d been there when Bellamy kept calling, and when Aaron kept avoiding him, and he really didn’t want to think of it. He was already remembering it, he didn’t need to have someone else from that time with him. He knew he had been an asshole, and he wanted to feel guilty in solitude.

Well, maybe not in complete solitude.

“Aaron?”

“Hey…” There, he started to doubt if it had been a good idea, but he already had bought the beers and Alexander had already seen him. He might as well get in to have some alcohol and ignorant, pleasant company.

“What happened?”

Aaron shrugged one shoulder and smiled sheepishly. “Why do you think something happened? Maybe I just wanted to see you. Or maybe I just want to get drunk. I don’t know. Happy Halloween.”

Alexander knew something had happened. He couldn’t exactly see it on Aaron’s face—the guy was a great actor—but he knew it. And the whole thing about getting drunk was kind of a giveaway. But he decided to control his curiosity for a while. Aaron clearly had no intention of sharing what brought him there, not while sober anyway, so he would have to wait a little bit. He was terrible at it, but he was going to try, for Aaron.

And wait he did, for a couple of hours. Then they both were drunk, and Alexander never had a good impulse-control. “Are you really not going to tell me why you’re here?”

Aaron sighed. “I just heard that a guy I used to… a guy I dated in college died. He was younger than me, and he _died_. I…” he shook his head. “I was such an ass to him. I never apologized. And now he’s _dead_.”

“Oh, shit.”

Aaron chuckled.

“I’m sorry.”

“I haven’t thought of him in ten years. I don’t know why it hurts so much.”

“I thought you were homophobic,” blurted out Alexander, stupidly, because the shock was too big, and he honestly had no idea what else to say. ‘Sorry for your loss’ didn’t exactly sound adequate.

Aaron sighed. “I… might be.” He was a liar. He knew he was. He had even noticed when Alexander had realized it. He just feared to acknowledge it and lose what little esteem Alexander still had for him.

Alexander frowned and straightened. “I’m a little drunk so you’ll have to be patient with me.”

“What do you want me to tell you? I… did I ever tell you my grandfather was a preacher? Like, a fire and brimstone preacher? Anyway…”

“What?” Alexander rubbed his face with a hand. “God, why are there so many things I don’t know about you?”

“I’m sorry.”

Alexander shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“I’m just… I’m very fucked up, aren’t I?” he licked his lips. “I need to be drunker for this.”

“I think you’ve had enough.”

“Why are you so nice to me?”

‘ _Because I like you. Because I’m afraid you might break if I so much as yell at you. Because you’re precious to me, and I’d like to wrap my arms around you and never let anybody hurt you again._ ’

Alexander wished he could tell Aaron all the reasons that popped up in his mind. He didn’t though, because even drunk, he was a coward. And because people shouldn’t be nice to others merely out of affection. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’re too good to me.”

“You’re the same with me. I’ve been kind of a dick. I’d get it if you never wanted to see me again, and yet… here you are.”

“I’m here because we’re friends. We’re friends, right?”

“Yes.” After a moment or two, Alexander didn’t know what to do with the oddly heavy atmosphere. He licked his lips and wished the movement did anything to his friend. He doubted it. He cleared his throat. “Do you want to talk about him?”

“Jonathan.”

“Huh?”

“His name was Jonathan,” he swallowed. “But I don’t want to talk about him. I… I…” he blinked away tears and swallowed. He almost reached out for his glass, but he remembered it was empty. “I think perhaps the one time of the year I never skip visiting my aunt and uncle is for the anniversary of my grandfather’s death. We go to mass and we talk about how much we miss him and stuff. And it’s all real. We do, we honestly all miss him.” He licked his lips. “On my senior year of college, I… was so…” he shook his head. “He never understood why I dumped him. He tried to talk to me for the rest of the semester, but I avoided him. And then I graduated and never heard of him again, until…”

“That’s shitty,” admitted Alexander. But even in his drunken state, he could understand a little. Aaron’s grandfather was probably the only adult relative Aaron remembered with love. Maybe he had been a bastard, but he died when Aaron was six. He probably idealized the man, probably dreamt with what his life would’ve been like if he hadn’t died. It probably would’ve been shitty anyway, but uncertainty was this great thing were all facts could be ignored when it came to what never happened. Sometimes people pick up their abuser’s opinions. Many pick up their parents’, though it’s easy to grow and see in what they’re wrong when the relationship is healthy.

It’s a lot harder to think that the ghost of a hero might be wrong.

“Have you ever been to therapy, Aaron?”

Aaron snorted. “No, but I’m starting to think I should go.” When every single person close to you gives the same advice, then maybe, just maybe, they have a point.

“I could have another drink now. You?”

“Yes, please.”

They stayed drinking until dawn. Now that Theo was gone, Aaron didn’t have a reason to go home, and that thought only depressed him further. Eventually he fell asleep, and by then Alexander only had time to sleep an hour before he had to go to work, which he still did and might have been the worst idea he’d ever had.

“Do you have a hangover?” asked Angelica when she saw him in the teacher’s breakroom during the first recess.

Alexander groaned. “Shut up.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Alexander Hamilton, I can’t believe you went drinking when you knew you had a class to give at eight in the morning the next day!”

He hushed her again.

“Hamilton…!”

“Aaron doesn’t know that, shut up!”

She stared at him with a frown. “What?”

He looked around, made sure they were the only ones in the breakroom, and sighed. “He came to my apartment last night. I didn’t tell him I had a class to give in the morning and he didn’t remember. He needed a drink, okay? An ex of his died.”

“Oh, shit.”

He hummed and nodded affirmatively. He had left a note on the door for Aaron, telling him to feel free to eat something and that he had gone to work, but haven’t heard anything from him yet. He felt a little guilty. Perhaps he should’ve woken him; he knew Aaron had to give a class at eleven thirty. But he had looked so peaceful, and had been so depressed the night before, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He relaxed slightly after he got a text thanking him about it all, with more than enough time for the guy to reach the school. Still, he was shocked when he saw him enter.

“How come you don’t have a huge headache? I’m dying.”

If Aaron’s sweet smile wasn’t so adorable, Alexander probably would’ve punched him on the face.

Aaron offered him a bottle of water and an aspirin. “I’m sorry.”

Alexander huffed but received the water and quickly swallowed the aspirin. The real question was how anyone could expect him not to fall for the guy. He did his best, he really did, to move on, but Aaron literally had perhaps the biggest deal breaker of all and Alexander _still_ was head over heels for him. Perhaps there was nothing he could do. Perhaps he would live the rest of his life wondering what Aaron’s lips might taste like. But really, what was there to do if out of the aspirin and the water bottle, the one thing that really made him feel better was Aaron’s smile?

“Is Alexander still crushing on the homophobe?” asked Laurens when he got at Angelica’s place on Monday. At the end, they weren’t all available on the weekend after Halloween, so decided to all hang out together with pizza and beer that afternoon.

“Shut up, it’s a lot more complicated than that!” argued Alexander.

Eliza rolled her eyes and exchanged an unamused look with her wife. “I guess he is.”

Hercules and Lafayette giggled. For some reason no one could understand, they were the only ones that weren’t openly telling Alexander to move on. Even Angelica, who actually knew Aaron and often clarified he was a good guy, wanted him to forget about it.

They had already finished one pizza box when Alexander’s phone rattled against the table, but before he could get it, Laurens grabbed it.

“Oh!”

“Laurens, come on, don’t be a dick. What is it? Give it to me.”

“It’s a text,” he grinned, “guess from who?”

“Laurens…”

“Oh, is it the bastard of his crush?” asked Maria.

“Guys,” Angelica sighed, “he’s not _that_ bad.”

Her sister glared at her.

Angelica shrugged. “Okay, Laurens, what does it say?”

“He’s asking if Alexander is free tonight. Well,” he unblocked it and started typing. “I’m sorry, Mr. Intolerant Douchebag…”

“Laurens, don’t you dare!”

“But I’m busy with my _real_ friends, who are all queer, by the way, you know, the kind of people you…”

“Laurens, give me the fucking phone!”

“Don’t even talk to me tomorrow—”

“Laurens!” Alexander finally managed to take the phone out of his hand and quickly erased it all. His heart was beating a mile per second and he was breathing heavily, but he was relieved. He quickly typed ‘ _I’m not home right now, but I’ll go soon. Do you want me to go to your place?_ ’ and then secured his phone in his pocket. “I swear you can be such an asshole sometimes.”

“Don’t be so serious, man.”

“Yeah, besides it’s not like he’s ever going to be with you.”

“Yeah. It would’ve been worse if he sent a text saying you like him.”

Alexander shook his head. “You got it all wrong. You have no idea what he’s really like.” His phone vibrated in his pocket. Aaron had said yes. He hadn’t taken his car, so he checked the Uber app and got a guy that was three minutes away.

“You were the one that told us he was homophobic though,” pointed Eliza.

“Yeah, and I was wrong. Okay? It’s…” he ran a hand through his hair and grabbed his jacket. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll explain it all to you some other time.”

“Wait, are you leaving? To be with him?”

“Dude…”

“You’re all being dicks,” he shrugged.

Lafayette sighed and hugged Alexander on his way out. On his ear, he whispered: “Maybe if we could meet him, they would stop opposing to it so vehemently.”

Alexander sighed and pouted.

Hercules stood up. “I’ll walk you out, come on. Laf and I have an important date tomorrow morning, so we’ll go too.”

“Damn it, you’re all leaving? You leave me here at _their_ mercy?” whined Laurens, wisely avoiding Angelica’s eye and ignoring Maria’s indignant gasp. Eliza didn’t look mad though, so he had at least one ally.

“Good luck you two,” said Maria, grinning widely at the couple. She was the only one that knew what that date was about, but everybody suspected she had told Eliza too.

Lafayette winked at them.

Once outside, Alexander sighed. “I don’t know if that would help at all, Laf. Angelica knows him and she’s on their side. I don’t even understand why you guys are on my side! If our positions were inverted, I probably wouldn’t be on my side either.”

Hercules chuckled. “That’s not important. Really, we’re just giving you a chance. You usually have good taste, and I remember him from that case you brought me.”

“Besides, Angelica only knows him as her coworker. And even though that was the guy you first liked, by now he’s basically another person with all you’ve learnt from him. That’s the guy we want to meet.”

“The one that cried when his dog died,” added Hercules.

Alexander snorted and saw a blue Prius coming. “There’s my ride, guys. Good luck tomorrow with whatever secret meeting you have.” He thought he knew what it was about, but he would wait until they wanted to tell him. He knew it would be soon. Lafayette wasn’t good at keeping secrets, unlike Hercules and another person Alexander knew.

He was glad the way to Aaron’s place wasn’t long. He feared, perhaps irrationally so, that if he took too long, Aaron would close off. That the faster he got there, the more information he would be willing to give. Then again, that probably wasn’t that accurate. Aaron had invited him, after all. That must have meant he wanted to tell him about it, right? Why else would he invite him? What do people talk about after therapy? Probably not the therapy itself, but Alexander didn’t mind. Honestly, if Aaron called him in the middle of the night to tell him about a bad movie he had just watched Alexander wouldn’t mind. He would enjoy it. It probably had something to do with Aaron’s voice, and his speech that was always enthralling. Why Aaron wanted to talk to him, he couldn’t know, and that was a question he wouldn’t ask just yet. He was terrified the answer would be something disappointing.

It was probably better that way, because Aaron didn’t really know _why_ he had called Alexander. Aaron didn’t know why he had thought of Alexander before of Van Ness, and he felt a little guilty when he realized it, but he had already sent the message. Besides… if he was completely honest, it was easier to talk to Alexander about most things. Sure, William knew him. William had been there for a long time, and Aaron trusted in him for everything. But his input was never as brutal as Alexander’s, his analysis was never as wide, and that was what Aaron wanted right then. He jumped out of his seat the moment he heard the doorbell.

“Hey.”

“Hey, sorry to call you at this hour.”

Alexander shook his head. “That’s okay. I figured it was…” he cleared his throat. “It’s not that late. How did it go?”

Aaron chuckled. “It’s like you try to keep yourself from asking inappropriate questions and yet you can’t help it.” He shook his head. Alexander’s blush was endearing. He made his way to the kitchen. “Do you want to drink anything?”

“Uh, just coffee would be great. It’s pretty cold outside.”

Aaron knew Alexander wasn’t trying to make him feel bad about it, but he still felt guilty. He was glad he remembered how Alexander took his coffee. After three years of interacting every morning, his brain had picked it up unconsciously.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, because he couldn’t help it.

Alexander simply smiled, knowingly. “Now tell me, how was it?”

“It was… better than what I expected.”

“Yeah?”

Aaron hummed. “Doctor Bentham is… great, actually.” He grinned. “He’s nice and very insightful. I guess all therapists are supposed to be like that, but…” he shrugged and stared into his mug. The brown liquid was still spinning. “I didn’t say much, but he managed to tell me exactly what I was thinking. It was… relieving, I think, to know that I wouldn’t need to say it all.”

“You still should try though.”

“Yeah, but the pressure it’s not there.”

Aaron liked Doctor Bentham. He never thought he would enjoy therapy, but he did. He stopped questioning if he really needed it and simply went. He always got stressed before it was about to start, but once there, alone with Bentham, he managed to relax. Doctor Bentham gave great insight. It helped that everything fitted with his own deductions he’d done through the years, so whenever the doctor elaborated on what was going on with Aaron, it wasn’t something new, but the confirmation of his own old hypothesis.

Everything was, until it wasn’t.

“What?”

Dr. Bentham smirked as if he’d been expecting Aaron to be incredulous, which irritated him further.

“No.” Aaron shook his head, crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair. “No. You’re wrong with that. I don’t, I don’t have feelings for Alexander!”

Dr. Bentham arched one eyebrow. “I thought you cared about him deeply? Didn’t you say he was a very important friend?”

“Yes! Exactly, he’s a _friend_.” He’d been clear on the few occasions in which he had mentioned his coworker on the past three sessions. It hadn’t been until the fourth one that Bentham had asked about his recent relationships that he got to talk about him in more detail, and yet he couldn’t imagine what gave the doctor such idea.

Dr. Bentham hummed. “He convinced you to come here, didn’t he?”

“No. He was just… the last push I needed.”

“Right. And you get together with him after every session?”

“I mean… yes. But,” he licked his lips, “that’s because…” He didn’t want to be alone, but he didn’t want to be with anyone. He couldn’t go to his sister and Ronnie and _Tapping_. He couldn’t go to William. William was too sensitive, and he just wasn’t used to confiding in him, even though he considered him his best friend. And aside from William, he didn’t think he had any other close friends.

None but Alexander.

“Why don’t you tell me more about him? He’s someone you feel comfortable with. Why do you think that is?”

Why was he comfortable with Alexander?

He shrugged.

Dr. Bentham giggled. “Okay. Let’s not go there now. We still have time so, tell me. You were never with another man after Jonathan?”

“No.”

Dr. Bentham pursed his lips. “We already know why that is. And I get the feeling you didn’t even consider it, am I right?”

“No, never. That was just… college. Getting in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I _know_ there’s nothing unnatural about it, but…” he shrugged one shoulder and smiled sheepishly, “it’s just not my thing.”

“Why not?”

“Why… why not?”

“Yeah, I want to know why you think that is not your thing. Why do you think Jonathan was some sort of exception?”

“Oh. Well…” he licked his lips, “I don’t…”

“I’m sure there were many things about him that were special to you at the time, but, do you honestly believe the only reason you got interested was because you were at college, and everybody else was doing it? You’re smarter than that, boy.”

“Sure, but ever since I’ve never been interested in another man.”

“So you keep saying.”

“Why would I lie to you?”

“Oh, Aaron, I don’t think you’re lying _to me_.” He grinned. “I’m afraid the one you really are trying to fool here, is someone else.”

Aaron left his office that day with a sour taste on his mouth and considered texting Alexander to tell him something came up and couldn’t meet him that night. He hesitated after he noticed he had a text from him already, and after he checked it, he changed his mind.

The tomatoes and onions on the picture looked so fresh and inviting. How could he say something so late? Alexander had already started cooking. And so, he tried to forget the doctor’s words and made his way to Alexander’s apartment to have dinner with him, like they did after every session now. When Aaron had told Alexander he only knew how to make pasta and chicken—and the latter he only had learnt because of Theo—he’d decided to make his responsibility to cook him a decent homemade meal at least once a week, which was particularly convenient since he went to see Dr. Bentham every week. Ever since the second session he went directly to his place after it, and so far, had only tasted pretty good stuff. It probably helped that Sally wasn’t the best cook, and she was pretty much all he had to compare, but he wasn’t going to tell Alexander that.

“Hey, how was it?” asked Alexander as soon as he was inside.

Aaron considered telling him. He considered joking about how the doctor was out of his mind. But for some reason he didn’t care to figure out, he didn’t.

“It was more of the same, really. For once he told me something I didn’t entirely agree with, which was weird. I don’t know if I believe him.”

Alexander shrugged one shoulder. “He could be wrong, I guess. Or maybe you just need more time to think about it. Now try this, do you think it needs more salt?”

Aaron tried the meat Alexander had been cooking and moaned. “No. Like that it’s perfect.”

Alexander grinned. “Great. Then this is ready. Could you get the plates? Thank you… hey, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

“I visit my sister every year. You?”

“My group of friends always throw a big party. We dress up and everything. It’s pretty neat. The problem is, this year they decided it’s supposed to be at my place, which I’m fine with, totally. I just didn’t know it. Do you know where I could get a turkey?”

At nine p.m., on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving? Aaron burst out laughing.

Alexander rolled his eyes. “Why, thank you. You could’ve just said you didn’t know.”

“I’m so sorry,” replied Aaron, gasping in between giggles.

Alexander ended up joining him in his laughter, because at that point, he didn’t have much else to do.

“I’m sure you can get one tomorrow morning,” said Aaron later. “Lots of people don’t buy it in advance, right?”

Alexander sighed. “I checked all the stores around here earlier today, and it was useless. I mean, I found like, two, but I’m not quite sure if they were turkeys, and they kind of sucked. I mean, one was literally green. Worst case scenario, I’m getting a duck. It practically tastes the same, right?”

All in all, he looked pretty nonchalant about it. He almost fooled Aaron; almost convinced him he wasn’t worried at all.

By noon the next day, however, Alexander was freaking out.

“Relax,” said Lafayette, sensible as always. He’d been the first one to arrive, since he had offered to bake pie, but their oven door had suffered an accident a couple of days earlier. “We don’t get together because of the food. And you’re a good cook. I’m sure you can figure something out at the last minute. You have potatoes, right? That’s really the most important.”

“No, Laf, the turkey is the most important. You don’t see kids dressed as potatoes at their school’s parties for this holiday.”

“Honestly, that would be a lot less disturbing than kids dressed as turkeys.”

“You just don’t get it because you don’t have a Thanksgiving.”

Lafayette grinned and shrugged one shoulder. “I’ll admit it’s weird to have extra holidays. But I don’t mind. I like not having to work. And the food is great.”

Alexander groaned. “Except this year you’re probably not getting any turkey!”

Lafayette sighed and patted him on the back. “Alex, calm down. I swear no one is going to get mad at you. We should’ve talked about it sooner to be sure everybody knew what they were supposed to do.”

“You’re too nice. I should’ve remembered it was my turn.”

Lafayette didn’t correct him, because he knew Alexander liked to drown in self-pity from time to time. But he was glad he had a distraction when his phone rattled against the kitchen counter. He arched one eyebrow when he noticed Alexander’s little gasp after he saw who was calling.

“Hello?”

“ _I think I solved your problem_.”

“Really?” Alexander couldn’t believe it, but he wanted to kiss Aaron anyway. Then again, he didn’t need much of an incentive to want to kiss Aaron. “Because I’m two minutes from breaking down.”

“ _That’s okay. I’m outside._ ”

Alexander hurried to the door and barely noticed Lafayette trailing behind him. Outside, Aaron was wailing three giants plastic bags he guessed contained the answer to all his problems.

Alexander gasped. “I think I love you.”

Aaron chuckled. “You better. I had to kill them for you.”

“You what?!”

“I went to a farm in New Jersey. Every time you talk about your friends you mention like a dozen different people so I figured getting just one didn’t make sense. I searched on the internet for farms, and magically, there was one that still had several. I had to get there at six though, so I’m exhausted. When my nephew asks me to play with him tonight, I’ll tell him I can’t because of you. He doesn’t even know you, and he’ll hate you.”

Alexander wanted to kiss him. He almost did it. He took the bags instead. “I owe you my life.”

“It’s okay. I never have to worry about it because I just help my sister prepare everything and Tapping does all the shopping. It was fun. I didn’t think people went so mad about the possibility of not having turkey for Thanksgiving.”

“It is, apparently, the _worst_ ,” commented Lafayette, wearing a weird smile.

“Oh, this is one of my friends, Lafayette. Laf, this is Aaron. I’ve told you about him.”

“Yes.” He extended one hand. “It’ a pleasure. Thank you for saving our Thanksgiving. You sure you don’t want to join us at dinner?”

“It would break my nephew’s heart,” replied Aaron. “But I hope you have a good time.”

“Thanks to you, we will,” said Alexander, smiling brightly.

Aaron hoped so. He had barely gotten any sleep because of it. When a voice inside his head that sounded a lot like doctor Bentham’s asked him if he would’ve done the same thing for Van Ness, he quickly decided that yes, and forgot all about it. Alexander was his friend, and Aaron liked to do nice things for his friends. And that had been the closest he’d ever been of helping with dinner, because his sister usually didn’t let him enter the kitchen while she was still cooking. His main job consisted of entertaining Ronnie, which in all honesty was kind of a tough job. He loved his nephew, but he had a lot of energy. Nevertheless, he was currently in third grade, so Aaron was supposed to be an expert—but he was not!

Later that weekend, when he told Alexander all about the fifty times he had to play hide and seek, and the videogame Aaron was apparently so bad at that they couldn’t go beyond the first part, to Ronnie’s dismay, his friend and coworker found it hilarious.

Aaron stared at Alexander’s face while he chuckled. He was his age, only thirty-two, but there were wrinkles around his eyes from laughter. He had a nice one, too. Contagious, soft and low. That was probably one of the things that made him at ease around him. Still, wrinkles and all, Alexander was, in fact, quite an attractive person. Aaron could say that much. He wasn’t sure he had noticed before though. And the fact that he hadn’t paid attention before clearly was a sign that everything was on the doctor’s head, and he only saw Alexander as a friend. He was certain of it. Sure. Kind of.

By the time of his fifth session, he was furious with the doctor.

“What did you do to me?”

“Hello Aaron, how was your week?”

“I’ve been studying Alexander all week! I’m sure he noticed!”

“Oh? And did all that studying help at all?”

Aaron blushed and sat down abruptly, crossing his legs at his ankles and his arms over his chest. “No.”

“No?”

“No, it didn’t. I’m just… why would you make me question such a thing? Alexander is just a friend!”

“Yes, I know. That doesn’t mean you have to stay that way forever.”

“But we’re _good_ friends. He’s an _important_ friend, and this sort of thing could screw everything!”

“No,” the doctor shook his head. “Don’t be childish. You’re adults, coworkers, and friends. I’m not telling you to propose nor anything.”

“And what exactly are you suggesting?”

“You could ask him out on a date? Worst case scenario, you have dinner with a good friend. Best case scenario, you get laid. What’s so terrible about it?”

“I don’t want to sleep with Alexander!”

“Oh, is he not attractive?”

“No! He is! That’s not the point!”

“So you consider him attractive?”

“Yes, I’m not _blind_.” He frowned, too conscious of the cold sweat running down his neck. Was that not the right answer? He cleared his throat. “That doesn’t mean… that _doesn’t_ mean…”

“Aaron,” the doctor interrupted him, “what are you so afraid of? Really?”

Would they send him to the madhouse if he answered hell? They had covered that part in their second session. Aaron was supposed to be over it. He wasn’t even sure if he believed in God at all. He never went to church. Why was hell still so present in his mind?

Was it because it reminded him of the oven door?

“My aunt,” he licked his lips, “my aunt used to say that if I ever felt curious about what would expect me in the afterlife, I just had to join her at the kitchen.” He swallowed, but the inside of his mouth felt like a desert. He emptied his bottle water. “She was always in the kitchen, always baking. The oven door was always burning hot, and she… she only did it once, when I was little. I had been running. She told me to stop and I didn’t. I… I fell and threw a tray with recently baked cookies with me. So, she grabbed my arm and pressed it against the inside of the oven door. It must have been just a few seconds, but I…”

Doctor Bentham was probably used to stories like that. He paled nevertheless. “You hadn’t mentioned your aunt before.”

Aaron shrugged one shoulder. “Like I said, she only did it once.”

“But she threatened you with it many times, didn’t she?”

“It was more like she reminded me of it. Just a warning. I don’t have a scar. It can’t have been that bad. It was just scary.”

“Sometimes, just a reminder can be even worse than repeating the punishment. Like you said, it was scary. Maybe if you experienced it again, it probably wouldn’t be as effective as the mere mention of it was. That is violence. Premeditated violence.”

Aaron needed more water. His eyes burned. They burned like fire. Like metal. Like an iron door.

Like hell. He shivered.

“You deal with little kids every day, Aaron. Don’t you think that the punishment was disproportionate?”

“She told me to stop running. We had only been living there for a few weeks, I should’ve listened. She wasn’t used to little kids yet.”

“Aaron, you weren’t in first grade yet, weren’t you?”

“I should’ve listened.”

“Who told you that punishments in hell are disproportionate?”

“What?”

“You say she didn’t know what she was doing, but whoever is inflicting pain in hell knows exactly what they’re doing. I’d like to think that the punishment there would be in line with the offense.”

“But who decides that? Isn’t it horribly arbitrary?”

“What is arbitrary about inflicting pain with that intention? Because I don’t see anything else that could condemn a person to hell.”

Aaron arched one eyebrow. “Have you ever gone to mass?”

Dr. Bentham laughed and shook his head. “She convinced you that if you go against her wishes, you’ll be punished. She even made sure to give you something bigger than her that could haunt you even after you left. What justifies that? I imagine you stopped running near the kitchen many years ago.”

Aaron hardly ever entered it. He sighed. “I know it’s irrational…”

“Why do you say it’s irrational?”

“Because I know she was just being evil and she can’t hurt me anymore. I _know_ it!”

“What do you think fear is?”

“What?”

“Fear is a natural response to feeling threatened, boy. You were threatened during most of your forming years; it is only _rational_ you adopted fear as the default reaction to anything they taught you was wrong. But you get frustrated, of course, because you know, you’ve learnt it’s not inherently wrong, sure, but the threat is still there because you already were punished over things that weren’t wrong.”

But if they weren’t wrong, then why were they free to hurt them over it?

“Phobias are called irrational because they’re disproportionate and the person cannot control it. I think you control your fears every day. I think they’re not irrational. But I also think that these fears are keeping you from being happy, and that’s why I want to help you overcome them.”

Oh, Aaron wanted to do that. He just didn’t think it was possible. “How?”

Dr. Bentham gave him a sympathetic smile. “Let’s start with something simple.”

Aaron decided he would get Dr. Bentham a dictionary for Christmas, because he definitely did not know what _simple_ meant.

One of the things Aaron liked about Alexander’s apartment was that the kitchen counter led to the living room, which meant he could sit on that side and watch Alexander cook, talk to him, and still be unable to see the oven.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” asked Alexander for perhaps the twelfth time that night.

He was not okay. He was a bunch of nerves. He smiled and nodded. He’d been doing that ever since he got there.

Alexander didn’t seem convinced, but he was done preparing their dinner, so he dropped the subject while they ate. With the month of December, conversation in school was all about the activities and movies and presents the children wanted, and what they would do on their little break, and teachers weren’t really the exception.

“Do you go anywhere for New Year’s Eve?” asked Alexander.

Aaron hummed. “To my sister’s?” He chuckled. “I have dinner with them, and then get together with some friends, usually. You?”

“I have dinner with my group of friends. We used to go clubbing all night long when we were in our twenties,” he grinned, “but two years ago we stayed in because one was sick, and last year we stayed because we kind of liked staying in and we were all tired for different reasons and it was very lame but we had a good time.”

Aaron chuckled. “That sounds nice. What do you think you’ll do this year?”

Alexander shrugged one shoulder. “We haven’t discussed it. I just know it’s not my turn to make dinner.”

“You sure?”

Alexander rolled his eyes. “Yes. After last week? I asked.”

“And which year will be your turn? I might consider coming if you make something as good as this,” he pointed at his now empty plate with his fork.

“Oh, it’s even better! Uh, I think it’ll be my turn in like, three years from now.”

Aaron snorted. “Great. I’ll keep it in mind.” He could try, but his mind was a little saturated at the moment. Doctor Bentham had given him what he liked to call an assignment, but Aaron found himself at a crossroad with it. He kind of wanted to do it but was terrified at the same time. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, no matter what the doctor said. He made all the way to the door still debating with himself, and only made up his mind once Alexander placed his hand on the doorbell.

“Let’s have a date.”

“What?”

Aaron panicked. “Forget it. I didn’t say anything.”

“No, no, no, don’t take it, don’t take it back, say it again, please.”

“Let’s… have a date?”

“Yes!”

“Yes?”

“Yes! I mean, if you want to. But you’re asking, so that must mean you want to. You want to, right? Please say you do.”

Aaron didn’t exactly know what it was he wanted to do, but Alexander’s expression was too endearing to keep a straight face. Surely, finding another guy cute didn’t mean he wanted to sleep with him? He sent that thought away because he couldn’t be sure of the answer and nodded. “This Saturday?”

Alexander’s bright beam was _definitely_ worth it.

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

Aaron nodded and escaped before he had to say anything else.

Alexander, on the other hand, was rendered immobile by the door. He could barely believe it had happened. He only moved because he heard the sound of his neighbor’s door open and though he didn’t have anything against the guy, he talked too much and the last thing he wanted was to get caught in an endless conversation when he could barely remember his own name.

_Aaron had asked him out._ How could he think of anything else? He had taught how to read maps and the basic properties of matter hundreds of times; he had his lessons for the following day ready. There was nothing on his mind that could obfuscate what had just happened.

Aaron asked him out. In less than forty-eight hours, he would have a date with _Aaron_ , and all he had to do for it to happen was to say yes! He was glad he lived alone because he started giggling for no apparent reason. He didn’t even have to do the dishes because Aaron always made sure to help with that before leaving. So he just went to bed and lied down, fantasizing about Saturday. He didn’t even mind that he barely saw Aaron on Friday, or that Jefferson bought the last muffin at the cafeteria or that one of his students almost tore the world map in half. He only had space on his mind for Saturday. And when Saturday finally came, and Aaron called him around noon, he could’ve started dancing while his heart was beating a mile a minute.

“Hello!”

“ _Hi…_ ”

Alexander’s stomach sank. Aaron sounded apologetic. “You’re going to cancel? That’s okay. You can’t today? Or did you change your mind? It’s alright if you changed your mind. I get it. I—”

“ _Actually,_ ” Aaron interrupted him but then he didn’t say anything for about thirty seconds. Eventually he sighed, and Alexander felt like crying, but then he said: “ _Something came up, and I need to see my nephew for a few hours. I was taking him to the park right now. Why don’t you meet us there? I haven’t changed my mind. I just don’t know at what time I’ll be free._ ”

Alexander was up and moving before he finished talking. “Oh, sure, I see. I’d love to go! He doesn’t hate me, right?”

“ _What?_ ”

“You said you would blame me for being exhausted during Thanksgiving.”

Aaron snorted. “ _Let me check… I think I did, indeed, mention you, but he does not hate you. He’s a little nervous about meeting you, but excited that you’re joining us nevertheless._ ”

“Great. Tell him I’m excited too.”

Maybe it was just his imagination, but Alexander thought he could feel Aaron’s smile through his voice as they said goodbye. He then literally _ran_ to the place they agreed to meet and managed to get there just in time to see them arrive. Ronnie and his namesake looked adorably nervous. Considering that Alexander was bouncing on his feet, he probably didn’t look like confidence personified.

“Hi there, Alexander. This is Ronnie,” said Aaron, smiling timidly.

“Hello Ronnie,” Alexander grinned.

“Hello,” the kid waved and smiled shyly. “Do you like ice cream?”

“I _love_ ice cream. And in fact, I know just the place around here that has the _best_ ice cream you’ll ever taste in New York City.”

The little boy gasped. “Really?”

Alexander hummed. “I could show you, if your uncle agrees.”

Ronnie turned towards Aaron, grabbed his hand and begged: “Can we go? Please, please…”

Aaron chuckled. “Yes, of course.”

Ronnie yelped with happiness and though he didn’t let go of Aaron’s hand, he grabbed Alexander’s with his other one. “Lead the way, sir!”

“Ronnie…”

“Please,” he added.

Alexander was charmed. He chuckled and tugged slightly to show them the way. And he had to admit he always admired humbleness and found it attractive on other people, which only meant he felt actual butterflies in his stomach when Aaron confessed he had thought Alexander had been exaggerating but that was, indeed, the best ice cream he had ever eaten; and though he was certain that if a week ago somebody had told him that there were parents out there chopping their kid’s hamburgers he would’ve found it ridiculous, he found the scene way too endearing to make fun of Aaron or Ronnie when that happened later. It was probably for the better. He discovered that Ronnie, though ultimately kind and nice, was a little brutal when it came to telling grownups they were being terrible at some game. He didn’t want to imagine what the kid would’ve told him if he had made fun of him earlier. Still, mean names and all, Alexander had a great time running around and playing all sorts of games, from _Tag_ to _Pokémon_ _Go_.

“Well,” Aaron interrupted their happiness wearing an apologetic smile, “that was my sister. I have to take Ronnie home now.”

“Oh, but I don’t want to go just yet!” replied the little boy, pouting.

“I’m sorry, Ronnie, but your parents really would like to see you now. Besides, we’ve been outside all day. Aren’t you tired? I certainly am, and I’m sure Alexander is too.”

Alexander hadn’t actually realized because he was like a kid and had been too entertained to notice, but he was exhausted. All of his limbs ached. He didn’t admit it. He merely shrugged.

Ronnie sighed heavily, but politely said goodbye to Alexander and told him he hoped they could play together again sometime, to which Alexander replied affirmatively. He walked them to Aaron’s car and even adjusted Ronnie’s seatbelt. He too, didn’t want that day to end. It was bittersweet. But after he closed the door, Aaron hesitated before getting in.

“What is it?” asked Alexander.

“Nothing, just… thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I had fun.”

“Actually, I do! You see children every day and now I had you babysitting for free on the weekend. That’s not fair,” he chuckled.

“Hey, I wouldn’t mind doing it again. He’s a great kid. And I get to spend time with you.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” replied Aaron, biting his bottom lip. “We’ll have a real date. I promise.”

Alexander wouldn’t have minded calling that a ‘real date’, if only they had kissed. But they didn’t. Aaron waved a hand and disappeared. It was slightly disappointing, after such a nice day. But Alexander wouldn’t dare to complain. He was already getting a lot more than what he ever hoped. He was, however, drained of energy after so many hours in the park, so when he got to his apartment he went directly to bed, regardless of the time. He was in his thirties. He could go to bed at seven. Why not? He was thoroughly convinced of it and about to fulfill it when his phone rang.

“Aaron?”

“ _Hey. Are you at your place?_ ”

“Yeah, why?”

“ _Would you like to have that date now?_ ”

Alexander straightened immediately. “You mean, now, now?”

“ _I mean… I kind of had made reservations for a restaurant downtown. I get it if you don’t want to go there, I mean, today was a long day and—_ ”

“No, no, no! I want to go! I’d love to go! I’m not tired!” He might as well had been injected adrenaline. He took a fast shower and only wasted about forty minutes freaking out about what to wear.

Alexander didn’t know what to expect of a night out with Aaron, but not even in his wildest dreams he would’ve hoped for what he got.

It was the perfect date, probably because Aaron put as much effort into it as he would put into his lessons, and Alexander had done his homework too. Aaron wasn’t precisely a communicative person. He was nice and polite, and good with small talk, but he was particularly good at keeping the conversation away from him. Still, Alexander had managed to learn all his favorites. He’d learned his favorite movie two years ago, during a fieldtrip in which they took the kids in both his classes to watch 1776 in a vintage week at the closest movie theater—in two sessions, or the kids would’ve gone insane. They spent the entire way back—and the rest of the week—randomly opening windows and singing off tune, but it had been fun. He’d learned Aaron’s favorite ice cream flavor five months ago, after Caroline had brought a box of popsicles to a PTA meeting. He’d learned his favorite color less than a year ago, after he’d wore seventeen different hats, twenty-three scarfs, but only three gloves because one pair was his favorite shade of green that winter. He’d learned his favorite book almost three years ago, during one of the first conversations they had. He learned his favorite song one time the fifth grade organized a karaoke seven months ago. But most importantly, he learned what his favorite beverages were earlier that month, so he could order for him on the restaurant. Did Aaron look at him like he was crazy? Yes, at first, but his expression was one of amusement, not fear, and Alexander wanted to think there was a touch of fondness in there too.

Conversation between them tended to be entertaining; that was one of the reasons Alexander liked him so much. The dim lights of the restaurant only accentuated the gleam of Aaron’s eyes and the dimples on his cheek. And the music, the smooth, low jazz was one of the likes they shared. At some point, in between the main course and the dessert, their hands met over the table, and stayed intertwined until it was time to leave. They each had drove to the restaurant, so they said goodbye on the privacy of the underground parking garage and kissed once.

Aaron’s lips were as soft as he always imagined, and the firm grip on his waist almost melted him. Alexander was an optimistic person, but he feared it was all a dream or he had died and gone to heaven.

On the other hand, Aaron, who most certainly wasn’t an optimistic person, was stunned as well but wasn’t exactly _surprised_. He could hardly believe nothing had gone wrong, because to him, things always went wrong when he really wanted something. However, that he was having a wonderful time with Alexander wasn’t weird. The guy was witty and clever and so, so charming. When they kissed in that parking lot, he decided it would be terribly easy to get addicted to him and his big hands, his expressive eyes, and his ridiculously tickly trimmed beard.

Oh, Aaron liked men. He definitely did.

That night, he called his sister. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. She had been more surprised by his admittance and date than for the fact itself—she implied she had always known, and Aaron didn’t know how to feel about that—but was always encouraging and invited him for lunch the next day to which for once he didn’t hesitate before accepting. He just wanted to get the truth out there and see right away what the consequences would be, even though a part of his brain was telling him that nothing would change. He texted Van Ness, something short, just ‘ _Went out with Hamilton tonight. Turns out he’s a good kisser!_ ’ and it took him almost twenty minutes to come up with the phrasing and then another half an hour to get the courage to send it. Not a minute after he did, though, William called him, begging for details and accusing him of being the worst friend ever because he never shared anything important. He was joking, but it still hurt a little. He more than made up for it by being completely ridiculous (“ _When am I going to meet him? At least send me a picture! I need to evaluate him, you know?_ ).

One would think that after thirty-six hours he would be finally done talking about it, but the minute he stepped on the teacher’s breakroom, Angelica’s smug face told him it would be a long day.

The shy, overexcited smiles Alexander kept throwing his way each time they crossed paths were more than worth it though.

“Hey,” Alexander caught him on his way out, “tonight…?”

They both knew Aaron had an appointment with Dr. Bentham later that day, and Alexander always cooked dinner for him after his therapy. It had been their thing, when they were just friends. But _just_ friends don’t kiss after dining out in fancy restaurants. Could they still have _their_ thing?

Aaron had no idea what he was supposed to say. He shrugged one shoulder. “I finish at seven,” he said, because it wasn’t a lie. It was just a fact. He would let Alexander interpret it as he wished.

He didn’t regret it.

“I’ll make lasagna,” declared Alexander. Another fact, because facts were comfortable and reliable and there was nothing to answer to that.

Aaron loved lasagna, and that was the one and only reason he got a smile imprinted on his face from there until he was at the doctor’s door.

“Hello Aaron, how was your week?”

Aaron felt a little embarrassed, but he wanted to tell the man about it. He was, after all, the one he had to thank for it. He sat carefully and folded his hands on top of his lap, timidly. “Good.” He cleared his throat. “It was a good week. I went out with Alexander.”

“Did you, now? And how did it go?”

“It went well.”

Dr. Bentham hummed.

Aaron chuckled. “You were right. I like him. And apparently, he’s liked me for a while, so I didn’t make a fool of myself.”

“Congratulations then. I’m happy for you.”

Aaron narrowed his eyes. “You knew he liked me. How?”

Dr. Bentham chuckled under his breath and shook his head. “Oh, Aaron. It was just a hunch.” He cleared his throat and turned a little serious. “And have you told anyone else about it?”

“Yes. I told my sister and my best friend. It’s technically against the school’s rules, so we’ll have to be discreet, but I don’t think we’re keeping it a secret. He can tell whoever he wants.”

“That’s good. What did they say after you told them? Were they surprised?”

“My sister… I think my sister was, but she knew I had went out with Alexander and Ronnie earlier that day, and that for some reason had stayed on her mind. But she was happy for me and wants to meet him.”

“I’m glad.”

“And William was just mad I didn’t tell him sooner,” he chuckled, “but he was happy.”

The most important people in his life, the few that really knew him and talked to him frequently that didn’t work with him, were all happy for him, and there was nothing more relieving than that. Rationally, he knew he shouldn’t have worried, but he still did. And because the worry had been real, the relief was real and important too. But sure, that wasn’t the main cause of the dopamine in his brain and he knew it. He never thought he could be so clueless to his own feelings, but what other reason could there be for his excitement about seeing Alexander again?

And well, not only seeing him.

He didn’t allow his mind to wander onto all the possibilities. They had only kissed once, and they had just agreed to have dinner like always. So when he later stepped into Alexander’s apartment, they both stood awkwardly in front of each other with nervous smiles and timid hands. If the other didn’t move, what exactly did it mean?

But Alexander had always been bolder, and finally dared to cross the distance and join their lips softly, shortly. Or he had intended it to be short, at first, but then Aaron placed his hands on his shoulders and Alexander couldn’t help to finally wrap his arms around his waist, and they stood there, by the door, getting to know each other’s mouths until Alexander’s alarm interrupted them.

Alexander chuckled breathlessly, separating briefly. “Damn. I need to get that, unless you don’t mind burnt lasagna?”

Aaron rolled his eyes and pushed him away playfully. “Just hurry.”

Alexander _ran_.

Aaron was delighted.

They didn’t talk much while they ate, both because the food was delicious and because it was a little weird. Aaron tried to search in his mind for a neutral topic of conversation, any of the things they usually talked about when they were alone, but his brain had been reduced to a useless pulp after they kissed. Besides, Alexander’s gaze was making him nervous.

“Are you going to keep staring at me all the time?”

Alexander hummed. “Probably. I’m sorry. I just can’t believe this is really happening.”

“You never planned to say anything?”

Alexander shrugged one shoulder. “I never thought I had a chance. I couldn’t risk it. When you asked me out I almost had a heart attack,” he chuckled. “But seriously… I really like you, Aaron.”

“I like you too,” admitted Aaron. “And I hope…” he bit his bottom lip. What did he hope? He just wanted Alexander to keep liking him. And to keep kissing him. And him to keep cooking for him, because his food was great.

“Yeah?”

Wasn’t it obvious? Was it really necessary he answered? He raised his eyes from his almost empty plate and stared into Alexander’s hopeful and yet cagy expression. He swallowed. “I just… really like being here. With you. You’re a great cook.” ‘ _And kisser. He’s a good kisser. You should tell him he’s a good kisser!_ ’ He took a long sip of his glass of juice and tried to ignore that treacherous voice in his conscience.

“You can come whenever you want. Just don’t ask me for food when I’m sleeping and we’ll be alright.”

Aaron chuckled.  Did that mean he could be around while Alexander was sleeping, or was it just a joke? Did he want to be around while Alexander was sleeping?

“And you can stay, too,” added Alexander, because he had no impulse-control whatsoever. He wanted to kick himself, but he’d never been one to take things slow. He wouldn’t mind if Aaron wanted that, though. He just wanted to know where they stood.

Aaron had been sharing his bed with a mid-sized dog for ten years and hadn’t been with a guy in even longer. He could still remember, though, and God, he hated sleeping alone in his apartment nowadays. He kept forgetting to put an alarm. He ate his final bite and considered asking for more. “Does that mean you’ll make me breakfast?”

“Yes.”

Aaron could hear his own heartbeat in his ears, like a drum. Loud. Fast. Was that excitement or fear? Alexander stood up. Oh, Aaron wasn’t afraid. He was just very, very excited.

Alexander grabbed Aaron’s plate and turned to take it to the sink.

“Did you mean…” Aaron licked his lips, “tonight?”

Alexander had soap all the way to his elbows already, but immediately stopped the running water. He didn’t turn around though. “If you want, yeah.”

“Alexander?”

“What?”

“Please, show me your bedroom.”

Alexander didn’t need to be told twice. They made their way there frantically, struggling for air and yet not daring to separate an inch. They unbuttoned each other’s shirts with trembling fingers but gained strength and firmness as they ran their hands all over each other. They kissed and bit all the skin they could reach, to a point in which they could no longer know to whom the gasps and moans belonged. Aaron had no time to question if there was anything wrong with loving the feeling of another dick under his hand, or if the stubble in Alexander’s chin should’ve been uncomfortable instead of alluring, or how the sensation of being trapped underneath him shouldn’t have turned him on like it did. He only had time for Alexander, with his hands and his lips and his tongue, that Aaron couldn’t get enough of. He couldn’t get enough of the hand stroking him to inarticulateness while he struggled to reciprocate with clumsiness in his eagerness. He couldn’t get enough of the heat and the scent and the sounds they were making. He simply couldn’t get enough.

It felt like it was all over too soon, but they both had to work early in the morning, so going to sleep any later would’ve been a bad thing. Aaron just felt a little guilty they hadn’t washed the dishes first, but after Alexander lazily cleaned them up with his shirt and pulled the covers over them, Aaron wasn’t physically capable of leaving his side.

He couldn’t help to panic a little bit when he found his shirt the next morning, though. Although the fact that that was what made him panic, and not how he woke up next to a very naked Alexander, was a good thing. It took him a few deep breaths, but he managed to realize his worries were ridiculous. Alexander and he were probably the same size. Surely he’d let him borrow something? So, he stopped freaking out and took a moment to watch the man lying next to him. His hair was a mess and he drooled, but Aaron thought he looked adorable. He felt no temptation to kiss him whatsoever. He got up, put on his pants from the day before, and went to fix the dishes that had been making him crazy. He simply ignored the oven, which was easy because there was still lasagna inside.

His aunt never cooked anything like that. Nothing like Alexander. And her food was never so good.

He was happy he also knew how Alexander took his coffee and managed to not make a mess when Alexander startled him yawning loudly from the living room.

“Oh, you made coffee. Nice.” He eyed him up and down and his smile turned wicked. “Hi.”

The man was ridiculous, but Aaron liked him anyway.

He wasn’t even that nervous about arriving to school together, but then again, Alexander made sure to throw all his worries away, and he didn’t think anyone could be tense after getting head in the shower.

It was a good thing too that he didn’t have a single free period that morning, which meant he didn’t have much time to worry about anything that wasn’t connected to his kids. Still, when he showed up at the breakroom in recess, he gave Alexander a shy smile but purposefully stayed away from him. It wasn’t hard. The room was full of other teachers he could talk to.

Alexander had probably been expecting that and didn’t blame him. He could still hardly believe he was allowed to touch Aaron at all, and he couldn’t get enough of him. If they wanted to be discreet, then it probably was for the best to not be so close when surrounded by people.

“Oh my God,” muttered Angelica the moment he sat down next to her, “isn’t the shirt Aaron is wearing yours?”

Well, he didn’t mind telling her. He had told her about Saturday already anyway. Alexander smirked and winked.

She slapped his arm. “I need details. _Now._ ”

“My, oh my, Angelica, what are you even suggesting? Whatever’s on your mind surely is against the school’s rules!”

“Really?”

Angelica covered her mouth with a hand as she gasped while Alexander paled.

“Sir?”

Principal Washington arched one eyebrow. “Is there anything I need to know?”

“Eh…”

Washington frowned and followed Alexander’s gaze to where Aaron was discussing something with James Madison. He narrowed his eyes and hummed. “Congratulations.”

Well, that was better than the alternative. Alexander could breathe a little easier, even though Angelica was laughing her ass off at his expense. Having his boss’s blessing was good, though it had its downsides, according to Aaron, who was not so comfortable with Alexander’s bold hands. But Alexander wasn’t stupid. He wouldn’t even kiss him in the school grounds; he could at least hold his hand or his middle or his thighs while they were practically alone in the teacher’s breakroom, right?

“Not when there are other teachers nearby though, please,” asked Aaron that Tuesday afternoon, during dinner. He had gone to his apartment after class, but then went back to Alexander’s place with the promise of giving back the borrowed clothes after he washed them.

Alexander couldn’t care less about the clothes. He had loved seeing Aaron wearing them. But he promised he would be discreet. It was a good thing on Wednesdays they had a long time alone.

Well, good and bad, too, because for Alexander it was a little tempting, and for Aaron it was stressful. And it might have been a little foolish and naïve of them to think that in that much time they wouldn’t even kiss once, but no one saw them. They made good use of their time, grading papers and preparing for their next lessons, so who cared if Alexander’s legs had been on top of Aaron’s the whole time? What harm could do that they would occasionally pet each other? They still wouldn’t do it with others around. And if that only meant once they were alone at Alexander’s apartment their kisses and caresses would be even more passionate and desperate, their gasps and moans louder, then he certainly wouldn’t complain with the arrangement. No, Alexander couldn’t complain. How could he? Aaron was _his_.

“Well someone is happy?” commented Laurens when he saw him arrive at Maria and Eliza’s place on Friday.

It wasn’t every week that they managed to get all together, but since Hercules and Lafayette had finally dropped the bomb that they had hired a surrogate, they simply _had_ to get together and celebrate. Besides, Philip and Susan were staying with Eliza’s parents for the night, so there were no kids in the apartment to worry about.

Angelica rolled her eyes. “No, please, don’t. I’ve been hearing about it all week already! I don’t need more!”

Alexander giggled. “Aaron and I are dating.”

“What?!”

“No way!”

“You have a lot of explaining to do, dude!”

“Okay, okay, you’re going to love it.” He cleared his throat and folded one leg underneath him. “So, not so long ago, I convinced him to go to therapy.”

“What?”

“Sweet Jesus, did you _cure_ him?”

Alexander rolled his eyes. “Shut up. I told you he wasn’t a homophobe. But his grandfather, the only adult in his life that wasn’t a complete bastard, was a preacher, so you’ll understand it was a little tough to go directly against his wishes. But like, he still did, and then came the anniversary of his grandfather’s death and he felt horribly guilty, broke up with the guy he’d been seeing, and completely repressed it all for ten years.”

“Okay…”

“And then the poor guy _died_.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Isn’t this the same guy whose dog died not long ago?”

Alexander nodded. “Don’t you feel like hugging him too?”

“I feel like crying,” admitted Laurens.

“So when he told me about the guy dying, I convinced him to go to therapy. That was like, six weeks ago.”

“And?”

“And the other day he asked me out and then he couldn’t because he had to see his nephew so he ended up inviting me and the three of us went to the park and it was great and then we had dinner and we kissed and it was glorious and I think I’m in love.”

“Well…”

“That was… a good summary of the situation, I guess.”

Laurens burst out laughing. “Congrats, man.” He patted him on the back. “I’m happy for you.”

Angelica rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, that’s the nice version. Do you guys know how I found out?”

“I told you we had a date.”

“Yeah, but then on Tuesday I saw Aaron arrive wearing one of Alexander’s shirts. What was I supposed to do with that information? In _school_? I had to work!”

“Okay, okay, can we stop talking about me?” he grinned at Hercules and Lafayette. “I think it’s time we start discussing who you’re picking as godparents.”

Lafayette rolled his eyes and Hercules cackled.

“We haven’t decided yet,” admitted Lafayette. “I mean, you’re probably one of our oldest friends but you have a teacher’s salary and Eliza is a doctor.”

Laurens frowned. “And what am I? Your neighbor?”

“You work with dead patients. I don’t want you raising our kid if we die.”

Maria chuckled. “Eliza and I would be happy, and you already know we’re great at raising kids.”

Hercules hummed and nodded affirmatively.

“You guys are the worse. You know I’m going to give them the best presents.”

“I mean, you could have both, Alexander and Eliza,” suggested Angelica, reasonably. “The godparents don’t need to be a couple. Just two people. And Maria only met us after she started dating my sister. Sorry, you know I love you.”

Maria winked. “I do. But yeah, that sounds like a plan. We’re keeping the baby if you die, though.”

“But if you die when they’re a teenager Alexander can have them.”

Alexander gasped indignantly. “You girls are the worse!” He turned to his friends and shook his head. “See? I’m by far the best option. So don’t you dare taking that title from me. I can share with Eliza.”

The banter after that was interminable, especially considering they were at Eliza and Maria’s house, but Lafayette and Hercules left having made up their minds even though they refused to say anything yet—the baby wasn’t even born yet! Alexander, however, was confident that his friends wouldn’t betray him, and he felt like a godfather already. He even considered getting a cat.

Up in the apartment, the couple that was enjoying their day with no children were cleaning up before going to bed, casually commenting their ridiculous friends’ stories.

Maria shook her head. “That Alexander…”

Eliza chuckled. “Yeah, but I’m happy for him.”

Maria hummed. “Sure, I’m happy for him too. Although people with that kind of drama are just…” she sighed, “I don’t know. I wish only the best for him. Hopefully this guy is worth it.”

“He probably is, if Angelica is rooting for them.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Eliza narrowed her eyes. “What is really bothering you?”

Maria undid her braid and fixed her gaze on the floor. “A mother in school. She just…” she shook her head, “I don’t know. I think there’s violence in her home, but I don’t see a way of getting her to open up to me.” She had wanted to talk to the woman for a few weeks now, but something always happened that made it impossible. “Honestly, I barely see her. She comes in, grabs her kid and practically goes running.”

Eliza pursed her lips. “Don’t you think you might be seeing things that aren’t there? Perhaps she’s just busy.”

“You didn’t see her, Eliza, that’s not a woman that’s just _busy_.”

“Okay…”

“What?”

Eliza shrugged. “I’m just glad you’re there, then, so she can get help.”

“She’s not going to get any help if she doesn’t want it, or if I don’t get to talk to her at all.” She sighed. “Maybe she would talk to you. You could go pick them up for once.”

Eliza smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry. I could make the space. I’ll keep an hour or two free if you want. But it would have to be starting from next month, I think. I don’t really know. I could call—”

“No, don’t be ridiculous, people already scheduled their appointments, I get it, doctor.”

Eliza grinned and cupped her wife’s face in one hand to kiss her softly. “You’ll get her to talk, I’m sure. Don’t worry.”

Yes, she didn’t have to worry. She just needed an excuse, right? She saw the woman every school day, after all. So by Monday, Maria had already thought of an excuse. Being part of every committee helped, too.

“Mrs. Reeves! Mrs. Reeves, wait a minute! I know you have to go fast, but this will only take a minute. It’s about next month’s fieldtrip?”

The woman looked as if she was going to apologize.

“Please! I swear it’ll only be a minute. The last thing I want is to get you in trouble.”

“I’m fine, I don’t have a curfew, Mrs. Schuyler.”

Maria grinned wickedly. She didn’t mind being called that, if she had to be honest. “It’s Lewis, actually.”

“Oh, sorry…”

“It’s fine. That’s a common mistake. Men always get so offended when women want to keep their last name, you know? God knows my ex-husband never would’ve allowed it. But my wife is lovely, and she gets it.”

“That’s… good for you, I guess?” The woman cleared her throat. “What were you saying about the fieldtrip?”

“We need more chaperones, and I was wondering if you or your husband were interested?” The woman looked terrified. Maria knew she was right. She did. “It’s not even the entire weekend. We leave at noon on Friday and come back early on Saturday.”

“Sorry, but I can’t.”

“Can’t you even think about it?”

She frowned. “No. Now if you excuse me, I have to go.”

A lot of people left fast. Many kids had other activities after school and they had to go there fast, some people worked or studied at night, some had appointments, some lived nearby and sometimes would leave food cooking and that sort of thing, so they had to run home. But nobody had to run every day. Nobody. Maria wasn’t comfortable seeing the woman go.

֍

During the holiday’s break, it became quite evident that Aaron was spending most of his free time at Alexander’s place, which wasn’t a bad thing in itself. Alexander made the best Christmas cookies Aaron had ever tasted, and they didn’t even spend New Year’s Eve together, although that had been more out of nerves than anything else, that, and his nephew. If he had to be honest, the idea of meeting Alexander’s friends was far more intimidating than his nephew’s mild aggravation. Still, he knew soon enough he would have to meet them, but Angelica Schuyler was part of that group. He was positive they would eat him alive.

The truth was, Aaron loved staying at Alexander’s place, mostly because he always made him breakfast. It was problematic, however, that he seemed to hate more and more being alone at his apartment. He used to love it. When he first moved in, he had been thrilled to have his own space and adored the color of the walls and the oversized bathroom and the small windows in the living room. He loved it because it was only his. He hated that now. Of course, not everything was right at Alexander’s place. There were many things he didn’t like. But Alexander was there, and that tended to make it all better. When he thought of it again, after his therapy, he felt a little silly that he didn’t come up with the perfect solution for it until Dr. Bentham suggested it.

He called Alexander from his car.

“ _Aaron?_ ”

“Hey… did you start cooking yet?”

“ _No, I haven’t. I’m still trying to decide if I should get sausages and butter or if using just cheese and ham is okay._ ”

“I don’t mind either. But I could go to the store now if you want.”

“ _You sure?_ ”

“Yeah, I need to get some other stuff, actually, uh…” he swallowed and tensed as he stopped at a red light. “Would you like to come to my apartment tonight?”

“ _Sure!_ ” he sounded surprised but happy. “ _Maybe we should meet at the store then. The last time I was there I noticed you didn’t even have any garlic._ ”

“Okay.”

“ _And maybe some bath salts too!_ ”

“What?”

“ _I remember you had a huge bathtub. We’re definitely using it tonight_.”

Aaron got goosebumps. “Okay.”

Aaron had never shared a bath with someone, and he almost regretted it, because he would’ve liked knowing what he was getting into. Then again, it was a good thing that Alexander was the one to show it to him. He was a great teacher, after all, and knew how to give instructions. Aaron didn’t even take baths anymore, he had stopped when he was in elementary school, and he never thought he’d enjoy one. But how could he not, with Alexander behind him, kissing a path from his shoulder to his temple and running his hands all over him? Aaron couldn’t help to grab the back of Alexander’s head and pull him in for a kiss, while his other hand travelled down to his thigh before Alexander himself joined him and redirected it. He then had to cut off their kiss to gasp loudly, and hell if he cared about the water overflowing the tub after. They could clean after they cleaned themselves. But first, they would get _dirty_.

“I kind of don’t want to wash my hair in this water though,” admitted Alexander, while Aaron languidly lied on top of him, satiated, waiting for his heartrate to slow down a little bit.

Before it did, he splashed Alexander in the face, because he could.

It was hard _not to_ enjoy anything when he was with Alexander. And since he already didn’t like visiting his sister, when visiting her meant he couldn’t see Alexander, he liked it even less. It was a good thing Alexander also had plans for the weekend, but he decided that he was definitely bringing him along for Ronnie’s birthday.

Alexander couldn’t wait for that day to arrive, even if it meant meeting the infamous Tapping. He was still thinking about that when he got to his friends’ place, and because he was distracted, he had to ask Lafayette to repeat what he had said twice. Lafayette, being the cool guy that he was, didn’t mind at all. He simply rolled his eyes and said it, but Maria exploded and called him an entitled asshole.

Alexander had no idea how to answer to that.

Lafayette stared at her in shock for a moment, but then turned back at Alexander and kept going with his story. “I’ve met goofy guys before, but this one was, I don’t know. Some people really never run out of love.”

“Or maybe he’s just a very good actor,” mumbled Maria.

“Seriously, Maria? There was no reason for him to start talking about his wife.”

“Yeah, and he’s thinking about buying her a piece of land just so she can extend her garden. Who does that?”

“Oh, that’s very nice. And what was his name?” asked Alexander.

“We didn’t ask, and he didn’t offer it,” said Lafayette, shrugging.

“Yes, why would they? Stop asking stupid questions, Hamilton.”

“I’m sorry, Alexander,” said Eliza, sending a severe glare at her wife. “She’s not that wrong, but her reaction was exaggerated. She’s just angry because there’s a mother in Susan’s class that might be in an abusive relationship but won’t admit it.”

“Yeah, that tends to be frustrating,” agreed Hercules with a nod.

“Don’t be an ass.”

“I’m not!” If anyone knew what it was like to be in Maria’s position, that would be the SVU detective. He shook his head in disbelief, but he wasn’t mad. He knew she was frustrated. “But are you sure? Maybe we could pay her a visit, see if she has any options…”

“No,” Maria shook her head resolutely. “That never helps. It’ll only scare her; besides, you probably won’t see a thing.”

“She’s never seen a bruise or anything,” said Eliza, “she’s just very restricted and private. Perhaps it’s nothing.”

“It is never _nothing_ , Eliza.”

“What about the kid?” asked Alexander.

Maria sighed. “Susan says Aaron is a very happy kid.”

“Then maybe she’s just weird.”

“I also heard she’s pretty,” Eliza stage-whispered.

“Seriously… I’ve never even _seen_ her husband, but I know she doesn’t work.”

Angelica crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes. “Are you implying that because she’s just a housewife she can’t be busy?”

“No! But she’s like, very young, and doesn’t have a job, and I’ve never seen her husband around the school, and she’s always jumpy and never talks to anyone if she can help it… I just know there’s something wrong.”

“Maria, they go to an elitist school, it isn’t weird for young women to be housewives in that sort of place.”

“I’m telling you it isn’t about her being a housewife!”

“Alright, alright,” Eliza passed one arm around her shoulders and dropped a kiss on her temple, “you know what? We’re out of lettuce and soda. Can you go to the store?”

“I’ll go with you,” offered Alexander with a sympathetic smile.

Maria groaned. “Fine, but you’re all assholes.”

“Hey,” Hercules frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, “that’s not fair. Gil and I took you seriously.”

“As you should, Mr. detective!” replied Maria, unforgiven.

Alexander chuckled and dragged her away. She barely talked on the way to the store, even though he kept trying to lighten the mood with totally unrelated jokes, so by the time they reached the soda aisle, he said: “I’m not saying you should drop it, but…”

“Mrs. Reeves!” shouted Maria, startling him.

“Huh?”

“That’s her, that’s—Mrs. Reeves!” she yelled again, trying to get someone’s attention.

Alexander stared dumbstruck to the beautiful woman that turned to see them slightly annoyed, and the man that accompanied her, who looked pleasantly surprised.

“Alexander?” muttered he.

“Hey, Aaron. Uh, this is Maria, I think I’ve told you about her? Maria, this is Aaron, my boyfriend,” he introduced slightly nervous, but relaxed when the man gave him a tender smile at the term.

“Hello,” he waved. “This is Sally.”

“Oh, of course! Your sister,” he filled for Maria, “you really look alike.”

“I’ll go and assume that’s a compliment,” she giggled with a shy smile. “It’s a pleasure. I’ve heard _so_ much about you. And uh, one of Maria’s kids is in Ronnie’s class,” she told her brother.

“Oh,” he smiled politely at her. “Are you the one that was with Alexander when he bought that ridiculous yellow suit?”

“That yellow suit is marvelous,” retorted Maria.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” mumbled Aaron.

Alexander chuckled.

“I’d love to stay and chat,” said Sally. “You and I,” she pointed at Alexander, “definitely have a pending conversation, but we’re kind of in a hurry right now.”

“Sure. Technically we’re in one too,” admitted Alexander. “We ran out of soda and lettuce,” he explained. “But I’d love to get together on another time. I could cook. Aaron seems to like everything I make.”

“Yes, you’re definitely a better cook than her,” confessed Aaron.

Sally turned to stare at his brother with arched eyebrows, incredulous. “I’m starting to feel offended.” She then turned to Alexander and winked. “You better give me gourmet food, Hamilton.” She waved a hand and grabbed her brother’s arm. “Bye!”

Alexander watched them go with a growing feeling of dread in his stomach. He dragged Maria around to buy what they needed fast and, as soon as they were alone on the street, he said: “I don’t think her husband is beating her.”

“What? Alexander, just because your boyfriend is her brother you can’t—”

“No, you don’t understand, Maria. Look,” he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “He’s a creep. He totally is. But I don’t think he’s beating her. Believe me, I’m sure Aaron would know.”

“Alexander—”

“Because he pays attention, he really does.”

“Yes, but he doesn’t live with her, does he? And domestic violence… Alex, this isn’t something siblings just talk about, okay? She must be embarrassed, and scared, and—”

“No, _you_ don’t understand. Sure, people like you or me don’t talk about it, but them?” he shook his head, “believe me, he would notice without her telling him, because I know he’s looking for it. He always is, just like you.”

“What do you mean, just like me?” she mumbled.

“This is super inappropriate, Maria.”

“You started it, Hamilton, now finish it.”

“I’m sure your brain can fill in the blanks.”

“You’re trying to tell me that they lived through domestic violence already. You do realize that it’s not weird for children victims of such abuse to fall back into similar relationships once they grow? If only, this new information only reinforces my theory. An abusive environment is familiar to her, so she really can’t see that she needs help.”

“Her husband helped her to get out, Maria. He encouraged her to go to therapy and everything. Aaron doesn’t like him, so he wouldn’t defend him if he ever suspected of something like this. Really, Maria, I think she’s… well, I wouldn’t say fine, but there’s no one beating her.”

“We can’t know that,” she shook her head. “I want to meet him.”

“What, Tapping?”

“Who?”

“Sally’s husband,” he smirked, “I know, it’s a ridiculous name.”

“No. I want to get together with Aaron to talk about this.”

“Forget it.”

“What? Alexander—”

“You can’t tell him I told you. That’s—forget it. He doesn’t like talking about it, less to a stranger, and about his sister? No way. He adores her, he could never discuss this type of thing with someone he knows she has to see for Ronnie’s sake. Forget it.”

“I didn’t even know they called the kid that, but I guess it makes sense, since he’s called Aaron. Have you met him?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, I have, and he can be a little shy but ultimately he’s a happy kid!”

“But you met him around his uncle, didn’t you? He probably feels safe with him! Have you seen him with his parents?”

Alexander groaned. “Maria…” They entered the elevator and she openly glared at him.

“You haven’t. You can’t be sure.”

“Can we drop it? We’re already here.”

She rolled her eyes and stopped talking to him, which he considered a partial victory.

“What happened?” asked Eliza, immediately noticing the weird atmosphere when they dropped the bags on the kitchen counter.

“Alexander is an ass.”

“No, she’s really stubborn and I’m trying to help.”

“No, you think you have all the answers, but you don’t understand a thing. You go around, running your mouth and then you expect others to keep the secrets that weren’t even yours in the first place!”

“Guys, what the hell?” asked Laurens with a frown.

“He knew Sally.”

“No, I didn’t. You were there, you saw us being introduced to each other.”

“Well, whatever, you didn’t know her, but you knew her brother.”

“And I had no idea she was the woman you were always talking about.”

“That’s so not the point, Alexander!”

“Wait, what? You saw Sally today?” asked Eliza, sitting down next to Maria and squeezing her hand.

“Yes, and I met her brother. He seemed nice,” she glared at Alexander, who rolled his eyes and huffed, “real handsome, gorgeous even, but with a lousy taste in men. His boyfriend is a complete ass.”

“What do you want me to do, Maria? You want me to call Aaron, tell him to come here, talk to you? You want to tell him you suspect his sister is in an abusive relationship and want his help to get her out?”

“Yes. Yes, I want you to call your boyfriend and ask him to meet me.”

“Wait, what?”

“Your boyfriend is Sally’s brother?”

“But this is a good thing, right?” said Hercules. “I mean, if they’re close we might have an opening now. You can reach her.”

“Yes, except Alexander doesn’t want me talking to _Aaron_.”

“Why not?”

“Alex,” Lafayette approached him slowly and clutched his bicep affectionately; “Maria knows what she’s doing. This isn’t the first time she does something like this, she knows how to handle it.”

Alexander shook his head. “I know he won’t be comfortable around her. He’ll refuse to help her _and_ will get mad at me for even suggesting it.”

“You can tell him you really didn’t want to, but we insisted. Tell him how much we’ve talked about her, how much we pressed you. You wouldn’t even be lying!”

Alexander winced but didn’t keep arguing. Even he knew there were some fights that simply weren’t worth fighting. He knew when he was beaten—Maria could be _vicious_ , and he never had been good at saying no to her.

And yet he kept coming up with reasons to stress or distress the guy he was in love with. He tried to think of the best way to saying what he had to say on his way home. He suspected Aaron would be there already. He had given him a key so he could get in if he arrived earlier. He just hoped his day had been good. But not too good. He didn’t want to ruin it either, although he knew that was exactly what he was going to do.

He found him sitting in his living room, grading papers, and wasn’t that a lovely sight. It only made him feel worse. Would his friends forgive him if he didn’t say anything? When he saw him, Aaron put the pen and paper away. Alexander gestured for him to not stand up.

“Hey.” He kneeled on the couch, next to him, and supported himself in the backrest to press his lips against Aaron’s.

Aaron kissed him back lovingly and tangled his fingers on Alexander’s hair. “You look exhausted.”

He straddled him so they could both be more comfortable. “Yeah,” he nodded and pressed their foreheads together. “There’s something I need to tell you, but I really don’t want to.”

Aaron frowned, but he didn’t let go. “What is it?”

Alexander sighed and casted his eyes away. “Maria has been worried about Sally for a while. She hasn’t really seen anything, but her attitude… well, Maria works at the Ross Women’s Shelter, so she can be a little…” he grimaced as Aaron’s fingers slowly slid down his head and shoulders until they were no longer touching him. “I don’t know. Anyway, she wants to meet you.”

“Sally is okay.”

“I tried to tell her that, but she won’t have it. She wants to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to talk to her.”

“I told her you wouldn’t,” he sighed and hunched, pressing his head on Aaron’s shoulder. “Look, I’m fulfilling my duty by telling you. You don’t have to see her if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to.” He closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair, throwing his head back. His hands were once again over Alexander, caressing softly. “I don’t want to. I really, really don’t want to.”

“Okay.”

“Should I?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you think?” he licked his lips. “I mean, I know I don’t visit as often as I should, but I’m sure I could still notice even if she didn’t tell me. And I know Tapping, I mean…”

Alexander straightened a little, separating just enough so he could see him clearly. “Aaron,” he waited until the man was looking at him to continue, “the ‘attitude’ that caught Maria’s attention could be nothing, or just a consequence to… you know, life. If you haven’t noticed anything, I’m pretty sure there is nothing to notice.”

“But what if there is?”

“Then meet her. Listen to what she has to say, or… talk to Sally? I mean, I don’t really know her so I’m not sure which option is best, but… perhaps, talking to Maria first? Maybe she won’t tell you anything you didn’t know. Maybe you’ll have an explanation for every single thing.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then, you go talk to your sister.”

Aaron liked talking to Alexander, because he never hesitated before giving advice, and he always believed in it. He also liked running his fingers through Alexander’s hair, so he did that, because even if he liked it, he didn’t feel like talking anymore. And he always had found the weight of Alexander on top of him comforting.

Alexander really liked when Aaron massaged his scalps like that. He closed his eyes and hummed and almost forgot all about the rest of the world, but he couldn’t. He felt guilty. He still had things to say. He mouthed at Aaron’s neck first though, both to get some courage, and because he was right there.

“One more thing…” he mumbled, his lips vibrating against Aaron’s skin.

“Yeah?” asked Aaron breathily, tugging slightly in that way that never failed to indicate Alexander how close he was to let himself go.

“I… kind of… told Maria that you two had, uh, some experience with domestic violence. I was trying to convince her that you would have noticed. I didn’t give her any details. I’m sorry.”

He should’ve seen it coming, really, that Aaron would exploit his grip in Alexander’s hair to tug abruptly to get him to meet his eyes, and that he would immediately let go of him once he did.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, as apologetic as he could. He wanted nothing more than to touch Aaron, hold him, but he kept his arms to his sides, and considered standing up. He didn’t, though. But he would, if Aaron asked him to.

“If you still want to come to dinner next Sunday, you’ll have to apologize to Sally first,” muttered Aaron, resting his hands on Alexander’s hips. He then threw his head back again and stared at him with heavy eyelids. “And to me.”

Alexander gulped and nodded. “Yes, of course.” He licked his lips. “I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

Aaron’s next intake of air was sharp. “Yeah?”

Alexander hummed affirmatively.

“Then… I think I want you to keep doing what you were doing.”

“Yeah? You mean this?” Alexander attacked Aaron’s neck with no preamble then, and thrusted his hips forward.

Aaron hummed lowly and when Alexander grabbed one of his hands and pressed it against his hair, he got the message and tangled his fingers there again, but his other hand wandered elsewhere, making its way underneath Alexander’s shirt so he could dig his fingers in that milky skin of his, and pull him closer.

Yes, Alexander had a big mouth, and he had intrusive friends, but he was also good, and concerned, and bright, and sweet, and Aaron couldn’t get enough of his mouth and his hands and that way he had of simply invade every part of his mind with his words and kisses and fingers almost equally. All Aaron needed to forgive him was to hear his sincere apology and see the way his big, lovely expressive eyes filled with regret, but he wouldn’t pass on fucking on the couch, even if they ended up with aching limbs. Besides, if he really was meeting with that friend of Alexander the least he could do was to give him a couple of orgasms to pass the nerves, right?

Oh, Alexander was spoiling him, wasn’t he? But he would keep that detail to himself. Nobody needed to know. So he greedily kept Alexander all to himself, up for hours even after they left the couch for the bed, and then ate him for breakfast before his morning coffee, because when he was barely awake was the best time to blow him, when Aaron wouldn’t give him the time to articulate one coherent sentence before he came. Aaron was very proud of being capable of doing that. It was not easy to render Alexander Hamilton speechless. Sure, that wasn’t a skill he felt comfortable bragging about in public, but as long as they were alone, he wouldn’t hesitate to do so.

֍

Alexander arranged everything so his friend would go to Aaron’s apartment to talk, where he was supposed to be more comfortable. Aaron wasn’t so sure about that. If they were to meet somewhere else, he could leave any minute he wanted to, but it was different to ask the other person to leave. Alexander didn’t admit it, but Aaron suspected that too was a reason for the meeting to take place there.

“Thank you for meeting me,” said the stranger once she was sitting in his living room.

“No,” Aaron shook his head, “thank you. Most people wouldn’t go through all this trouble for a stranger.” He meant it. He was thankful. And a tiny bit offended.

“Well, your sister isn’t exactly a stranger, I mean, Susan cares about your nephew, you know?”

“I know Ronnie has that effect on people,” he smiled fondly. “Would you like something to drink?”

“Some coffee would be nice, yes.”

He took his time getting it all ready, but eventually he ran out of excuses to hide and had to go back to the living room to sit with the woman.

She thanked him for the coffee but didn’t even try it. She simply placed it on the coffee table. “I’ll go straight to the point. I imagine Alexander already told you what worried me, and where I work.”

Aaron took a long sip of his. “At the Ross Shelter for Women, yes?”

She nodded. “That’s it. And your sister… well, at first it irked me that she always left meetings the minute she could, she’s not in the parents’ chat group, never goes to the barbecues and, well, she’s so quiet, you know?”

“I know,” he nodded. “And she doesn’t really like people. She spends most of her time in the garden.”

“Sure. What about her husband?”

“What about him?”

“Is he, perhaps, a little controlling?”

“I’m pretty sure time is the last thing on his mind ever since he became full Professor in Columbia last year. He hardly leaves his office before eight. If Sally is running home, she’s not doing it for Tapping.”

“So his name is actually Tapping?”

Aaron snorted. “Yes. And I was eleven when I met him, so imagine my dismay.”

Maria chuckled and shook her head. She appreciated the lighter atmosphere, but she also wanted to get to the point. She swallowed. “So they’ve been together for a long time?”

“Yeah.”

“And you haven’t noticed any changes in your sister?”

“She married him when she was eighteen. If she was exactly the same now, so many years later, I’d be concerned.”

“Sure, but…”

“Why don’t you tell me what I should be looking for? Because so far, nothing you’ve told me has been weird.”

“Yes, but perhaps you aren’t the best to tell—”

“I know Tapping. I’ve known him for twenty years and I lived with them for five. I also know what an abuser sounds like, and I know my sister. I can tell when she’s scared without her having to utter a word. And I only ever see her happy to see Tapping, just like Ronnie, who adores them both. Tapping isn’t controlling at all; if anything, he’s a little condescending but only in the way college professors almost always are, and she doesn’t…” he ran a hand through his hair, “everything he does, he does it for her. I’m not saying they’re perfect, he’s far from it, but he’s not abusing her.”

Maria Lewis didn’t stay long after that. She didn’t leave right away, of course. She kept talking, insisting on her instincts and signs and past experiences, but Aaron merely listened politely. He considered he had been clear in his posture. He wouldn’t repeat himself.

Maria wasn’t feeling so confident in her own performance. She had said everything she could, but maybe she hadn’t been clear enough. Maybe she needed to insist a bit more. But it was a delicate subject, and she still got easily frustrated when people refused to listen. By the time she left, she was exhausted, and in desperate need of a drink.

“How was it?” asked Hercules the moment she joined him in the living room of her apartment. They had agreed he should be there so they could discuss Maria’s impression of it all with more detail.

Maria groaned. “Terrible. He had an explanation for everything and insisted he knew them.”

Hercules winced. That was a common reaction for relatives, and it didn’t mean anything. They could give him the benefit of the doubt, sure. There might be nothing there. But his reaction could’ve been the same even if something was really going on, so they weren’t exactly in a clearer place. That kind of situation was always tricky, and one ought to proceed with extreme caution.

Alexander knew that too, so when he later visited Aaron, he was careful. Well, as careful as he could be. He managed to hold his tongue all through dinner, and later when they moved to the living room because both had papers to grade and loved sitting on the floor shoulder to shoulder to do so, he managed to stay quiet for almost two hours. It was a record, really.

“Are you mad at me?” asked he.

Aaron sighed. “No, Alexander. I am not mad at you. But I am mad. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Alexander bit his bottom lip. “I’m sorry. I know Maria can be a little… well, she’s a force of nature. But she just wants to help.”

“Alexander, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Aaron knew he was sorry. And he also knew that didn’t mean he would stop. And he really wanted him to stop. He rubbed his eyes and dropped his pen on the table. “I think I’m going to go to bed.”

“Okay. Sure. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?”

“I’ll go shopping with Tapping. Sally’s birthday is coming.” He bit his bottom lip, sighed and extended a hand to Alexander. He hadn’t forgotten, not really. He was just mentally drained. It wasn’t too late to make it better though. “Help me stand up?”

Alexander helped him.

“What time is it?”

“What?”

“Is it midnight already?”

Alexander checked the time in his phone. “Yeah. It’s fifteen passed midnight.”

Aaron cupped his face in his hands and kissed him. “Happy birthday. I should be done by lunch. What do you want to do?”

Alexander wrapped his arms around Aaron’s waist and pulled him closer. He only feared Aaron had forgotten for a minute or two. “You’ll do whatever I want?”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “I’ll think about it.”

He knew what he wanted. He just didn’t know if Aaron would want to do it, which didn’t mean he wouldn’t, and that only made him hesitate more. “Could… would you come if I invited my friends to my place in the afternoon?”

“Of course.” Alexander finished at four on Fridays, which meant Aaron would have a little time to decorate alone. “I’ll have to get you a second present though, one that you can open in public.” He had gotten him three things already, and one was a very decent jacket, but it was also very expensive, and he wasn’t sure he would be more comfortable giving it to him in public than giving him the Colt Prowler and lube, which he had ordered online because he didn’t think he’d ever be able to walk into a sex shop, like Dr. Bentham had suggested as another ‘assignment’.

Alexander’s grin turned wicked and his hands slid to cup Aaron’s ass. “Is that so? Then maybe you could give me my other present now?”

Aaron chuckled. “I thought you were born at dawn? It’s too early.” He bit Alexander’s earlobe and added in a whisper: “You’ll have to wait until after your friends leave.”

“Is that supposed to be an incentive so they’ll leave early?”

“Maybe,” admitted Aaron, thrusting his hips forward. “Will it work?”

Well that was a rhetoric question, of course, because both of them knew very well the answer to that. Still, they didn’t mind a little reassuring in the sheets, and though Aaron didn’t feel like talking, he wasn’t particularly tired, physically. So he focused his energy in the birthday boy, because he could, and because he wouldn’t mind giving him an idea or two for the kind of presents he would like to receive in February.

But it wasn’t that Aaron wanted to get rid of Alexander’s friends before he even knew them. It was just that the mere act of meeting them was a little intimidating, and he knew that after few hours he would be exhausted. He wasn’t even that scared about the kind of commitment it meant. He was a little bit, sure. What if they didn’t like him? But Angelica would be there, and even though they weren’t that close, he considered her an ally. And the guy that thanked him for the turkey had seemed nice too.

He didn’t know what to make of the woman he had met earlier, though.

But Alexander’s friends were excited about meeting him—most of them, that is. Maria wasn’t feeling particularly excited. It wasn’t that she hadn’t liked him. She was just frustrated because she considered their first meeting a fiasco. But the rest of them were all quite eager for it. They’d been hearing about him for too long, it was about time they finally met him. The problem was that even with all that excitement, Gilbert forgot to get Alexander a present. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, he was just terrible at it and always avoided it. He had refused to admit it when he was younger, but after he got a snake for his boss he realized he really had no idea what he was doing. Ever since, Hercules always helped him—or simply picked the presents himself, but Gilbert liked to be there, so at least he would know what he was getting them. That year, since it was an emergency, Maria joined them.

“I can’t believe you. Alexander is perhaps the easiest guy to buy presents for,” said Maria.

Hercules hummed. “He is.”

“Shut up, he isn’t. And he never complained when I got him weird stuff. Did I tell you the time I got him a box full of glitter—oh, that’s the guy of the garden! Hello!” he gestured at a guy that was standing by the counter.

“Oh, hi,” he smiled cheerfully. “I met you the other day!”

“Yeah,” Gilbert nodded, “what are you doing?”

“My wife discovered what I was trying to get her and said I was being ridiculous,” he grimaced. “So, no new lot, but she agreed to consider the idea of opening a flower shop, if I managed to find a spot she could like. Now, that is a challenge,” he giggled. “But I’m getting help, so there’s that. I’m excited!”

“You’ll have to tell us where that is,” said Lafayette. “I want to buy something.”

“Oh, I will!” he blinked, and then blushed. “I don’t think I know any of your names, though?”

“I’m Gilbert, and this is my husband Hercules.”

“And I’m Maria.”

“Hello, it’s a pleasure,” he beamed, but then his face fell. “Please don’t laugh. I’m Tapping.”

“Tapping?”

He sighed. “Yes. My parents were…”

“Tap,” somebody else called, and the man didn’t seem upset by the nickname at all.

“Yeah?” he turned, only curious.

“There’s a place I’m sure she’ll like, and we can visit right now…”

“Aaron?”

“Maria?”

“Oh, you know each other?”

“Yeah… actually, Maria’s daughter Susan is in Ronnie’s class.”

“Oh! Then it’s so nice to meet you! I haven’t been able to reach anything at school in the last two years or so and I feel so guilty, but Ronnie says he doesn’t mind, though I guess he’s just saying that because he never complains, he’s so nice, he’s a lot like his mother, you know? So it doesn’t really make me feel any better but my job is kind of draining though I _know_ that’s no excuse—”

“Tapping,” Aaron tapped him on the shoulder, “calm down.”

“Guys, this is Aaron, Alex’s boyfriend,” said Maria.

“Oh? We weren’t supposed to meet you until later today!”

“Oh, you’re friends of Alexander? I’m getting jealous, I feel like I’m the only one who hasn’t met him!” Tapping chuckled. “Even my son met him already! But then again, he actually met him before Sally did, so…” he shrugged. “You have to bring him home for dinner. Now where is that place you were saying?” He waved a hand at the guys. “I’ll make sure you guys know if it works! Bye, it was nice seeing you!”

Hercules clicked his tongue and turned to stare at Maria with an arched eyebrow. “Well, you finally met the husband, apparently.”

“And he’s… nice?” Gilbert sighed. “Alright. Let’s just go buy my present for Alexander, okay? I bet you now his boyfriend knows I haven’t gotten him anything yet.”

Maria couldn’t care less about that, but she wasn’t in the mood to discuss the guy either. He looked nice, sure. And obviously, Aaron hadn’t stopped to think twice about what she had told him, if he was hanging out with the guy. Or maybe he did. Maybe he was watching him closely. She couldn’t know. She didn’t really know him. But that afternoon, she didn’t go to Alexander’s place to meet him better. It was Alexander’s birthday, and she tried to think about that. Besides, she was quite proud of the watch Eliza and her got him, which was definitely a better gift than the globe Laurens got him or the book from Angelica. Hercules and his beautiful scarf and sweater defeated them—they always measured who won by Alexander’s smile and the volume of his gasp—but he always did, it was almost as sure as Laurens losing, because Alexander was always ready to whatever bullshit he gave him, and it was a mutual thing.

What surprised her a little was Aaron’s gift. Or, more specifically, Alexander’s reaction to the gift, because the gift itself was honestly quite boring: just some batteries and a nice pair of gloves—of course, they didn’t know the gloves matched the jacket he had already given him, and the batteries, well… Alexander wouldn’t mind letting them know what those were for, but he imagined Aaron wouldn’t appreciate it.

He would still tell them later. After he got to use them.

When they were already with a foot out the apartment, Alexander passed an arm around Hercules and Maria’s shoulders and whispered conspiratorially: “Aaron won, by the way. By far.”

Laurens arched one eyebrow. “Alex, we were there.”

“No, this morning you weren’t.” He winked and pushed them outside. “Bye! Drive safe. Text when you’re home. I love you all, and thanks for coming.” And he slammed the door behind them.

“Was it just me, or was he eager to get rid of us?”

“And I believe it’s somewhat connected to his favorite present,” added Lafayette with a smirk. “I wonder what the batteries were for…”

“I do not want that image in my brain, thank you very much,” said Angelica, grimacing. “I have to see them on Monday!” But everybody knew that on Monday she _would_ ask Alexander about it, and Laurens made it clear. At that point, the PE teacher really didn’t have a thing to say in her defense, and she just rolled with it. The only one she imagined could be uncomfortable with it was Aaron, and he was not around. Still, she knew she would not mention it to him on Monday. She still had things to talk to him about. She hadn’t believed it before, but she saw now that they were a good match, and she was happy for them. Perhaps it was a little late, but she felt like she had to let him know that.

And she was not the only one who was waiting for an opportunity to talk to a Burr. On Monday, when Maria saw Sally Burr at school, waiting for her son, she approached her without hesitation.

“You really are opening a flower shop?” she asked.

Sally stared at her blankly.

Maria sighed. “You spoke with your brother, and now you’re mad at me.”

“Of course I am.”

“My intention wasn’t to offend you, I just… I’m sorry. I was worried.”

“Did it pass now?”

Maria bit her bottom lip and didn’t answer. She couldn’t.

Sally glared at her. “Ronnie, let’s go honey.”

“Yeah, yeah, it did.” It didn’t. “I just… look, I’m friends with your brother’s boyfriend. How about we all get together some time? We could have a barbecue. It could be fun.” It could be an opportunity to get a better grasp of the situation.

Sally pursed her lips and hummed. “I’ll think about it.”

“You could give me your number…”

“I’ll tell Aaron.”

“Or you could do that, yes, that makes sense.” She nodded and saw her leave in a daze. She could barely believe it, but she finally had her entrance, and that felt like an achievement. Philip and Susan looked at her funny, which meant she probably looked like an idiot for how happy she was, but she didn’t mind. She was happy, perhaps exaggeratedly so, but she didn’t mind.

“Should I be jealous?” asked Eliza, playfully, once they were alone in their bedroom. Her wife had told her all about it during dinner.

Maria groaned. “No. Don’t be silly. I just… I don’t know. I guess the guy really isn’t beating her, but…”

“You don’t think she’s happy.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I misread the entire situation.” She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. “I feel kind of bad now. Was I too pushy?”

“If you had been right, then everything would’ve been justified.”

“But I might be wrong, so that makes me an asshole?”

She rolled her eyes and cupped her face in one hand. “No, it doesn’t. It just makes you a little nosy, but good nevertheless. I love that about you.”

“You do?”

Eliza hummed affirmatively and kissed her.

Maria’s good mood returned right away, and she had her wife to thank for it. She was not an ungrateful woman, and made sure to let her know, once they were sure the kids were fast asleep.

But Maria was not the only one who could barely believe Sally had agreed to it. When she told her brother about it a few days later, he was more than surprised.

“You want to see her outside of school?”

Sally pursed her lips and took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I want to _see_ her. But I want _her_ to see me. I want her to realize she was wrong.”

Aaron hummed. He wanted that too. “Alright. Invite her here, then. With her wife and children.”

“But you have to come too.”

Aaron winced. “Alright…” he sighed. “I’ll come,” he grinned and leaned forward, “with one condition.”

Sally was not expecting that, and neither were Alexander’s friends when they all were invited to an evening at her house.

‘ _Why the hell are we invited? That’s a house with_ children!’ had texted Laurens in their chat group. Maria and Hercules quickly dismissed him, and their spouses also didn’t feel like complaining, but Angelica hadn’t been too interested either. She liked seeing children while she was working, but it was different if she was going out to have fun. But well, she hadn’t been interested really, until she saw her. She wouldn’t tell her sister, but perhaps she _should_ be jealous. Sally Burr was _gorgeous_. And not only that, she was also funny. Like, really funny, in a subtle way. But even when they were there, she stayed a few feet away from the main group of people as much as she could, dropping in a hilarious comment from time to time but nothing important. They were at the backyard, and thus it wasn’t difficult for her to drift away. Whereas most of them sat at their nice patio, she stalled bringing drinks and then even watered the plants at some point, in which Angelica decided to join her.

“I guess I just like plants better than people, you know?” she admitted after a while.

Angelica burst out laughing. “I guess that makes sense, yeah!”

Sally shrugged one shoulder and chuckled lightly. It made a weird picture, to those that weren’t close to her.

“It would be nice if she made a friend,” commented Maria, who even though she couldn’t hear what they were saying couldn’t take her eyes from them.

“I know, right?” said Tapping, surprising everyone. “I worry sometimes, that she isolates herself so much, but…” he shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t really know how to help with that. She’s very closed off.”

Hercules grinned meanly. “That might have something to do with how she married right out of high school.”

Tapping’s expression turned apologetic. “Yes. I guess. That was very… rushed, on our side,” he licked his lips, “but I just… her house was not a nice place. I wanted to get her out but I didn’t know how.”

“And your best idea was to marry her? College didn’t cross your mind?”

Tapping sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Honestly? That scared the shit out of me. She was not okay, and she wasn’t particularly eager to get help. It took me a while to convince her to see a therapist. She just wanted to escape, and…” he bit his bottom lip, “it frightened me…”

“That she would escape from you?”

“It worried me she would try to escape herself. Besides, she didn’t have any plans. I know it sounds awful but when I asked her what she wanted to do, she told me she had no idea. She just wanted to leave that house, and then she could figure out her future. Her application letter was not very impressive, and I got a job in New York City. I asked her if she wanted to come with me, and she said yes. Getting married was her idea, so her aunt and uncle would let her come.”

Maria pursed her lips and exchanged a look with Hercules, but they didn’t say anything out loud. They didn’t have to. They knew each other well, and they knew they were thinking something among the same lines. If they were a little bit nicer to the guy for the rest of the afternoon, or if they stopped studying every single move of his wife, no one commented it, though they probably noticed. Sure, later they would say everything could _still_ be an act, but the worry had been, in some way, replaced by guilt.

All in all, it wasn’t terrible. They even decided they should repeat it. And the occasion presented not long after, in the form of Aaron’s birthday, which they celebrated at Sally’s house, and ironically, the birthday guy was the last one to arrive. Everyone else did before him, but that was okay because nothing was ready. Tapping wasn’t even home—and he had to pick up the cake—and Ronnie was still at school, but Sally actually seemed to be happy they were there, especially after Eliza offered to bake a pie.

“I know I should’ve brought it ready, but I didn’t have enough time—”

“She’s a doctor; she never has enough time,” commented Maria.

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” said Sally, waving a hand. “Feel free to use my kitchen. I’m going to be there anyway, because nothing’s ready. I thought you were coming later.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. When I’m on the kitchen, I don’t mind the company. That’s the one place I actually like a little distraction but asking Ronnie to accompany me might be a little irresponsible.”

“Definitely would be,” said Hercules, “but we can help. What are you making?”

“It’s nothing too fancy, but I need to slice a bunch of stuff and I’m slow at it.”

“Oh, I can help with that, I’m fast,” said the surgeon. Her grin was only a tiny bit unsettling.

Maria simply rolled her eyes. “Honey, just focus on the pie, would you?”

She did, but the conversation kept going. It wasn’t even interrupted long when Aaron arrived; sure, everybody hugged him, but then they went back to discuss the things they’d been discussing earlier—it’s just that Lafayette’s last trip to Thailand was just too interesting, and he was a great story-teller. Besides, most of them were helping around. After almost an hour and a half, there were still stuff to slice left.

“Oh, Aaron could you get the pie out of the oven, please?” asked Eliza when her alarm rang. She was busy chopping an onion.

Aaron froze. He knew no one was paying attention to him but they would soon, because he was physically incapable of moving.

Sally did it for him. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “It’s okay, I got it.” She got the pie out. “Aaron had an accident with the oven when he was little, and doesn’t really like manipulating it,” she explained. “And since I’m an overprotective older sister, I indulge him,” she winked. “Besides, you’re the birthday boy!” She finished pouring oil in a pan and clicked her tongue. “Okay. We’re almost done. Is the table ready? Alexander, you know where everything is, yes?”

He didn’t, but he had a vague idea, and Aaron helped him.

Dinner was fun, even when Ronnie insisted to bring the cake himself and almost dropped it in his way there but Tapping caught him and the cake survived. Then came the presents and that was even better, because since Alexander’s friends barely knew him they gave him a bunch of crap, but it was hilarious. Aaron’s reaction to the book about poop that Laurens got him was perhaps the best, but by the third mug even his polite self _had_ to laugh and ask them to please, please never do that again, even though they swore it had been a coincidence. The party ended shortly after, and everyone left at the same time.

The two of them left together for Alexander’s apartment, since he was the one who entered earlier on Thursdays, and the drive there was mostly silent. Aaron played with the radio a little, and sang under his breath, but he didn’t say anything, and Alexander didn’t ask. He felt tense. He thought overall it had been nice, and he thought Aaron had a good time, but the thing with the pie clearly had left him on edge, and it had been at the beginning of the evening.

Alexander had noticed Aaron barely cooked, of course, and that he always picked the microwave over the oven, but he never had thought too much of it. It was possible the story about the accident was real, but he shivered when she mentioned it and that made him think twice. “Aaron?” He wanted to hold him, but he didn’t. “What happened today, on the kitchen?”

Aaron hugged his sides and looked out the window. “I… I don’t want to talk about it.”

Alexander felt as if someone kicked him in the gut. “Okay. Sure.” He bit his bottom lip. “What do you want to do?”

Aaron didn’t know. He was tired, but he didn’t want to sleep, because he knew that he probably would have nightmares. He wasn’t hungry, and he didn’t think he could focus enough to try to watch a movie. He shrugged.

Alexander sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m going to go to bed now.”

“Okay. I’ll join you in a minute.” Maybe, if he hugged Alexander really tight, everything would be alright. It was that, or he would wake him up abruptly by yelling in his ear, but he was sure Alexander wouldn’t get mad if he did that. He might even hold his tongue and not ask any questions right away. Aaron had discovered that when he really cared, he could put his curiosity aside—not for long, but he tried, and Aaron valued that perhaps exaggeratedly. Still, that didn’t keep him from taking his own measures to avoid that dreadful conversation; one of those being busing himself on the days he could and not have lunch with him. It wasn’t that he avoided him. They didn’t stop meeting for dinner. But lunch in between the work day was such a short, weird instance, that conversation tended to be unpredictable and even encouraging for awkward topics. Thus, Aaron avoided him.

If Alexander knew why he was doing it, he didn’t comment on it, and he didn’t seem to be bothered. He still had lunch with Angelica whenever Aaron couldn’t, which with her new friendship was now something convenient for him, from time to time. He knew Aaron’s sister intrigued her. When she thought she had her figured out, she did something that completely destroyed her theory, and Angelica loved a good riddle. He wasn’t very good at reading the Burr either—he wasn’t even that good at reading his own boyfriend—so he didn’t know exactly what it meant that they were meeting so often, but he had concluded she wasn’t Aaron’s favorite subject, so he wouldn’t ask unless it was absolutely necessary. If he had to be honest, there were many things he wouldn’t ask Aaron unless it was absolutely necessary. Hence, the convenience of Angelica’s friendship.

“Oh, hi Sally,” he greeted her with a smile when he arrived at the diner and saw her there. He was not surprised. She’d been there the past three lunches.

“Hi. I hope you don’t mind I’m here?”

“No, no, that’s okay, actually…” he bit his bottom lip and sat down slowly, “there’s something I’d like to ask you.”

Sally smirked and placed one elbow on the table. “Is it about Aaron? Do you want to complain about my little brother, Hamilton?”

Alexander blushed. “No. Never. I don’t want to complain. I just… there’s something I’d like to understand.”

“Oh.” She pursed her lips. “Then shouldn’t you just ask him? I’m not going to tell you something he doesn’t want you to know.”

“Of course not, I get it, but…” he rubbed the back of his neck just as the waiter appeared to take their orders. He tried to smile at the guy, but he didn’t think he managed. He sighed. “You said there was an accident, when he was little?”

“With the oven, yes.”

“Was it… was it really an accident?”

Angelica gasped, but Sally didn’t react at all. She waited until the waiter came back with their drinks, and once he had left, she said: “No.” She took a long sip of her juice. “My aunt burnt him. On purpose. She only did it once, but she often threatened him with it. He never uses it and doesn’t even like walking near one.”

Alexander wanted to throw up. He swallowed.

“I’m only telling you because you couldn’t ignore how he never cooks forever, and I don’t want him having to talk about it. So don’t make him talk about it, Hamilton.”

He nodded. “Of course.” Of course, he had mixed feelings about that. Sure, he didn’t want to make Aaron think about it, but also, he… he wanted to say so much. First, he wanted to yell. And he wanted to visit the woman and maybe fire a gun at her, or something. Mostly, he just wanted to hurt her, and maybe lock her up, because she was a criminal. More than a criminal, she was a monster, and monsters aren’t easy to deal with, and neither are the consequences of their actions.

And still, Aaron wanted to try. He just wanted to try. He knew he could make it. He should be able to make it. He should be over it.

A week and a half after the party, he placed his iPad with the recipe on top of the counter, took a deep breath, and started working. It didn’t take long. He followed every step, and even though he couldn’t tell if the consistency was right, he was quite confident of what he was doing. He used all the right doses. And when the moment came to really cook it, he closed his eyes and pushed it inside as fast as he could. Closing the door was not so hard. He put the timer on his phone and sighed. He grabbed a book and decided to wait the forty-five minutes in the living room. The first fifteen minutes felt like days, but then time flew. He got startled when his phone let him know that it was time. That it was done. He just had to take it out. He had done most of the job. It was almost ready. He just had to open the door and get the fucking pie out. He turned off the oven, but he knew the inside was still hot. He needed to take the pie out or it would get burned.

He opened the oven door.

He froze.

After a minute, he got his phone out of his pocket and dialed with trembling fingers the contact that was always on top of his recent calls. He was answered at the third ring. “Alexander? Are you busy right now?”

“ _No, why?_ ”

“Could you please come over? Fast?” He didn’t wait to hear his response. He didn’t have to. And he didn’t think he could.

But Alexander was on his way there in seconds. He had no idea what was going on, but he never had heard Aaron like that, not on the phone at least, and it terrified him. He was just glad he’d been home already, and free to go right away. He made it there in record time, and thanked every deity he knew that Aaron had given him a key to his place in case of an emergency.

“Aaron?” he found him sitting on the floor of the living room, back supported against the wall that lead to the kitchen.

“Hey.”

“What… what are you doing?”

“Just chilling.” He shrugged but didn’t stand up. “Could you go to the kitchen and get the pie out?”

“What?”

“Please.”

“Okay.” Alexander didn’t have a clue of what was going on, but the minute he stepped into the kitchen he felt cold sweat running down his neck. He quickly got the pie out of the oven and was relieved that it wasn’t ruined. He gave it a moment to cold down, not nearly enough, and cut down two pieces. Aaron wasn’t making any sounds. There was no hurry now. “It’s delicious,” he informed as he exited the kitchen with a plate in one hand and a half-eaten piece of pie in the other. He took another bite and moaned.

Aaron huffed. Even though Alexander had arrived in less than fifteen minutes, the pie still had been inside the oven too long. At least the crust would be bitter.

Alexander put the pie back on the plate that had another one in it, sighed, and sat down on the floor next to him. “Can we talk about it?”

“I…” Aaron licked his lips as he gathered his thoughts. “I’m over the main reason she kept bringing that up. I am. I’m over it. But I can’t…”

Alexander knew Aaron must have been thinking about his aunt, but he hadn’t told Alexander that story, so he had to wait. Except Aaron didn’t look like he was going to keep talking. The way he kept his gaze fixed on the wall in front of him worried him. “Aaron…”

“It was just so hot,” whispered he. “And I know I’m not going to touch it but I… I can’t…”

“Aaron…”

“I always say I don’t have a scar. That’s what I told Bentham and that’s what my aunt says, and I have no idea if Sally knows but I always say I don’t have one.”

Alexander was about to make a comment on the immense psychological damage such an action could have on a kid when Aaron rolled up his left sleeve.

It wasn’t easy to see at first. He’d never noticed before; the long, thin line on one side of his arm, that went all the way from his elbow to just a few inches beneath his wrist, camouflaged by an outline of hair that just happened to cover it just right.

“She gave me a cold bath after. That’s how my uncle realized something had happened. They had a huge fight that night, and I…” he licked his lips, “I was so scared, of what would happen if she thought I was making her life more difficult.”

Alexander hesitated a moment before daring to say anything and changed his mind a dozen times. At the end, very slowly and lightly, he passed his fingertips over the long line before grabbing Aaron’s hand and intertwining their fingers. “You are so brave,” he muttered, “so strong.”

“I can’t take a pie out of the oven.”

“Maybe not now. We’ll try again tomorrow, okay? And if you can’t, that’s okay too, Aaron. It is.”

Aaron shook his head.

“As for now…” Alexander grabbed the plate and held it in the air so Aaron could take one piece, “you really should try this. I know you won’t believe me, but it’s delicious.”

Aaron snorted but did it. He then gasped. “Hey, it’s not bad!”

Alexander chuckled. “I told you!”

Aaron took another bite and moaned. It was really good, which was another encouragement to keep trying. And maybe it would be useless. Maybe he’d never be over it. Maybe he would. He didn’t think it was _okay_ , like Alexander had said, but he could live with that. He’d been doing it for years, and he trusted that each time he froze, Alexander would be there to do whatever it was that he couldn’t bring himself to do. He knew that wasn’t healthy. He knew it wasn’t fair for Alexander either. But he wouldn’t stop trying, and wasn’t that important too? Wasn’t that valuable? His aunt would say it wasn’t, but when had been her opinion something to live by? He liked Alexander’s better.

֍

He’d been trying every few days for about two months when he got the call from his uncle. Aaron had been feeling strange all morning. Normally he never picked up the phone to unknown numbers, but something told him he shouldn’t ignore that one.

It was, in a way, a hunch. But he wasn’t expecting what he got.

People talk about closure all the time. How they need it to go forward. But what is closure, really? It’s different for every person. What for one can symbolize the perfect ending, for someone else can be an abrupt turn of page that leaves them with several unsolved questions and a sour flavor in their mouth.

For example, death.

Death should be the ultimate closure. For some it is. When a person dies, a lot of things die with them. Secrets, memories, events that will never repeat. And that can be freeing for some. But it also can be one last wound that may never heal.

Aaron had no idea what his aunt’s death meant for him, not yet. Especially because she wasn’t technically dead yet. But he hadn’t spoken with the woman in over a decade. He had thought they could die any day and he wouldn’t even hear about it until after the funeral. He never thought he would care. He wasn’t sure he did. He wasn’t sure what it was that he was feeling. He called his sister and got together with her for lunch.

Barely an hour later, Sally stared at him like he was crazy. Maybe he was. “You _want_ to go see her?”

He winced and looked away. “It’s not that.”

“Then why are you even considering it? Aaron, our uncle is not expecting us to go, I can tell you that.”

But she was sick, and alone in the hospital. He swallowed. “He’s probably not even there, judging by what he told me. She’s alone. She’s not even conscious. He’s going to unplug her life support this Sunday. Sally…”

“That is their business, Aaron. They haven’t been a part of my life in years. They’re not expecting me. Why should I go?” She shook her head. “Honestly, I’m just mad she never paid for anything, but I’m not going to pretend I’m sad over her.”

Was Aaron sad over her? Was he pretending? He couldn’t tell. He almost called Dr. Bentham, but his next session was next Tuesday, and he figured he could wait. Even though his aunt wouldn’t be alive by next Tuesday. Not that she was, not really. Brain death was pretty much death. The only thing keeping her heart beating and her lungs working was a machine.

He didn’t call Dr. Bentham, but he told Alexander about it. He then wondered if that had been a bad idea, after he saw him smile. Sure, he tried to hide it. He tried not to show how happy the news made him, but Aaron had already seen it. He thought back to Sally and wondered if the one who was wrong was himself.

Maybe he should be happy about her passing. But he wasn’t.

“Hey,” Alexander grabbed his hand and dropped a kiss on his knuckles. “How are you?”

He was honest. “I don’t know.”

“I can drive you to the hospital if you want.”

Aaron could drive himself, couldn’t he?

Alexander squeezed his hand, and only then did Aaron realize he was shaking. He licked his lips. “I think I want, but I’m not sure.” He was sure he didn’t want to see his uncle. He remembered the phone call. “Saturday. Can we go on Saturday?”

“Yes, sweetheart, of course. We can go whenever you want.”

His uncle wouldn’t be there on Saturday. Hence, Aaron wanted to go then.

Aaron wanted to go.

He wanted to see her, but why?

He wasn’t surprised Alexander didn’t go with him inside, but he appreciated that he asked if Aaron wanted him to. He didn’t. His main concern right then was not to get lost in the hospital. But he didn’t have trouble finding the room, and the nurses nearby gave him a pitiful look. They all knew he was coming to say goodbye. They just didn’t know he had said goodbye many years ago. He sat down in the only chair that was by the bed and considered holding her hand.

He didn’t.

He didn’t do anything for a few minutes. He just stared at her and wondered, once again, what he was doing and what he was feeling. He had read that she might be listening to him, but he wasn’t sure he believed it. She was virtually dead already; unconscious. But maybe her soul was still there.

Sure, she would need to have a soul for that.

He talked anyway.

“It’s been a while, aunt Rhoda. I’m sure you weren’t expecting me to come, but, how couldn’t I? You said I was ungrateful, but you were wrong. I was always grateful that you took us in. I know you never wanted us. So for that, I thank you.” He swallowed. “Even though you made our lives kind of difficult. I believe Sally and I came out alright. She didn’t want to come, though.” He smiled, thinking about Ronnie. He was glad the boy never met her. He roamed a finger over her arm. She was rigid and cold. “I have so many things I want to ask you, aunty. I guess I should’ve called. You probably didn’t want me to visit, but I could’ve called.” They never did, so he didn’t feel obliged to do it either. “I… I know,” he frowned and licked his lips, “I know you don’t really care, but I… I’m happy, aunt Rhoda. I’m happy nowadays. I have a boyfriend.” He reached her hand and inspected her fingertips. Her nails were short. They had never been short before. There was probably a nurse to thank for that. “I don’t think you would’ve liked him. And he definitely wouldn’t have liked you. But he makes me happy.” It was so weird to touch her. The only times he did before was when she was dragging him somewhere. “Were you ever happy, aunty?” Her face was swollen, and there was tape over her eyes, probably to keep them closed. They seemed to be awfully swollen too. He was surprised by his own sob. “Dear God, look at your hair. It’s a mess, aunt Rhoda. If you could see yourself right now, I’m sure you’d be horrified.” Maybe he should tell the nurse how she liked to use her hair, but what was the point, if his uncle intended to disconnect her the next day? “I should go now. Even if you’re alone, I’m sure my presence here is not making you feel better.” He licked his lips and pressed his palm against one eye, damping it. “It does not make me happy to think about you, aunt Rhoda, so I don’t do it often. However, seeing you like this does not make me happy either. I thought I wanted you to suffer. I don’t. I don’t know if you are in any pain right now, but I hope you aren’t.” He considered dropping a kiss on her forehead. He didn’t think she ever did such a thing for them.

He did it anyway.

“Rest in peace, aunt Rhoda.”

He wasn’t going to miss her, so he didn’t tell her he would. He exited the hospital, and when he saw Alexander waiting for him, back resting against one side of the car, he smiled. He ignored Alexander’s troubled expression. He knew the man thought his aunt didn’t deserve a single tear, and he probably was right. She didn’t deserve it.

He kissed Alexander and didn’t look back to the somber building. He wanted to try to bake cookies that afternoon. And maybe, just maybe, he would ask Alexander to move in with him, if he managed to open the oven door.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was I believe the second, or maybe the third story I came up with after I got into this fandom (way before I made any of the ones I've published), but I abandoned it months ago. I felt like finishing it for something that happened, that gave me not only inspiration but the desire to just, share it. So this ended up being a small tribute to my dog, Martín, who inspired the character of Theo. He was of another breed, but the same disease took him from me after ten years together, and I miss him like crazy. But at least I know that he, like Theo, had a good life.  
> Anyway, thanks for reading. If you liked it or you hated it, please let me know!


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